Peon: Don't get stoned with two birds in one throw. (pause) Wait…
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Peon: Don't get stoned with two birds in one throw. (pause) Wait…
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Coworker #1: Nah, man, I can't afford a whole case of beer.
Coworker #2: Then get a bottle of mad dog and a couple of hits of acid.
Coworker #1: Can you imagine changing a dirty diaper drunk and on acid?
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: I can't imagine changing diapers sober…
Secretary: Couldn't you just drop a little acid and get the same effect?
Kansas City, Missouri
CTO, jokingly: What the fuck!? Are you on dope?
Engineer: No. That's my daughter. And she won't share. Bitch.
Norwalk, Connecticut
Server #1: So he deals drugs to kids?
Server #2: Well… Indirectly.
Los Angeles, California
Admin #1: You aren't allowed to throw cigarette butts out the window?
Admin #2: You aren't allowed to throw anything out the window.
Admin #1: What about a child?
(pause)
Admin #1: I can't believe I just said that.
Admin #2: It's all good. Maybe cut down on the crack intake.
McKinney, Texas
Patient, filling out medical history form: It says here to list street drugs being used. (pause) Is insulin a street drug? I have been diabetic since I was a kid.
Warren, Michigan
Office peon #1: It could be worse, he could be addicted to gay porn or crack.
Office jokester: Does gay porn lead to worse addictions? Does gay porn lead to crack?
Office peon #2: Depends on what type of crack you mean.
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Soccer mom #1 in line, handing another $100: Here, this isn't a loan.
Soccer mom #2: Why? No sympathy for me! I had money last week, I just spent it on drugs and liquor.
Soccer mom #1: Well, maybe you'll share next time. Take it.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Tel-ler it like it is
Cube dweller to another: If you want the full effects of the Smarties, you need to freebase them.
Pioneer Square
Seattle, Washington
