Guy at sink to guy at urinal: Any more than two shakes and you’re jerking off.
Men’s room, 14 Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Guy at sink to guy at urinal: Any more than two shakes and you’re jerking off.
Men’s room, 14 Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Weight Watchers orator: Does anyone have any good news they’d like to share with us this week?
Fat lady: Yes. I went to my gynecologist for my checkup this week, and he said now that I’ve lost weight, it’s much easier to examine me because now there are fewer folds.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Man: So what’s that building over there?
Tour guide: That’s the Wrigley Building.
Man: So what does Wrigley do?
Tour guide: They make gum.
Man: Gum? Really? What kind of gum?
Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Agent #1: Why is that dog wearing a “W” on its head?
Agent #2: That’s not a “W”; it’s obviously an “M.” It’s just upside down.
Bystander: Um…those are reindeer antlers.
7145 SE 21st Avenue
Portland, Oregon
Person #1: I just read that there has been a 104% increase in the numbers of lost or stolen cows recovered in Texas and Oklahoma.
Person #2: So they found 4 more cows than were actually lost?
650 California Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Gilligan
Awkward bald man, walking into conference room: Does this work for you?
Obviously lesbian woman meeting with him: Whatever you want, this is all about you.
Awkward bald man: Wow! I wish my wife would say that! She never says anything like that.
Richmond, Virginia
Lady in queue to group of young people: When I was at school I was referred to as being a bit odd. But I didn't mind being different, I enjoyed science subjects like biology. Learning about orgasms and bacteria. Wait! Did I just say what I think I said?
London
England
Overheard by: Misslead youth
20-something girl, handing over papers: These ones are re-do's.
50-something Indian man: Why?
20-something girl: Because they were crying.
50-something Indian man: Oh, boy.
20-something girl: At least no one threw up on us this year.
North Brunswick, New Jersey
A woman walks into the ladies’ room at work and finds a man and a woman standing by the sinks.
Woman #1: Um.
Woman #2: It’s okay, he’s blind.
149 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Shannon Bowman-Sarkisian
A bagel left unattended in a microwave sets off the fire alarms. The microwave, charred and smoking, is carried outside and is placed on the sidewalk.
Fireman: Is this the object that started the fire?
Office Worker: No. When we take a break, it takes a break.
626 Thayer Road
West Point, New York
