Worker #1: What kind of M&Ms are those?
Worker #2: Peanut.
Worker #1: Oh god, I won't want those! I don't want nuts in my mouth!
Albany, New York
Worker #1: What kind of M&Ms are those?
Worker #2: Peanut.
Worker #1: Oh god, I won't want those! I don't want nuts in my mouth!
Albany, New York
Employee: You're not going to a chiropractor, are you?
Boss: No. She's a lesbian voodoo doctor. She's next to a bagel shop.
Vancouver
Canadia
State senator, addressing the senate about DNA swabbing: Of course it's invasive, you're sticking something in someone else's mouth!
State Senate
Raleigh, North Carolina
Designer: Once again I get dicked on the vertical.
Editor, backing away: I don't want to know anything…about anything.
Memphis, Tennessee
Attendant: Is the cat male or female?
Animal Cop: Female.
Attendant: So you checked?
Animal Cop: No, I didn’t check the plumbing, if that’s what you mean.
Attendant: So how do you know it’s a female?
Animal Cop: Because the cat was feisty. Kind of like my wife.
326 110th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: M.L. Liu
New mom: The days go by so fast now that I’m so preoccupied with… pumping.
Hudson St
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Female motherly coworker who needs her back cracked: Will it hurt?
Young, hot, male coworker: It might. I usually do it from behind. I will kind of hug you while I do it quick.
Female motherly coworker: I don't know if I will like that. I don't want it to hurt me. Why don't you do it from the front?
Young, hot, male coworker: Okay, turn around.
Female motherly coworker: Ah, that's it! Right there. Oh, I needed that for such a long time…
Mountville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Wow
Coworker on phone: Well, 69 works for me if it works for you.
Dana Point, California
Female peon #1, in reference to cute co-worker: So, what happened with that guy you gave your number to?
Female peon #2: Oh, girl, I didn’t tell you?!
Female peon #1: No, what happened?
Female peon #2: Listen to this… he never called me, right? And I really wanted to know what was up with that. So, I walked over to him the other day and said, “Hi, how’s it going?” Well, we got to talking, and he said he was sorry he never called, but that he isn’t looking for a relationship right now… because he’s trying to concentrate on his relationship with Jesus Christ!
[Female peon #1 and eavesdropping co-workers break into laughter.]Female peon #2: Can you believe that? I was rejected for Jesus!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Kitty
