Rental manager: So I told my husband we should try that Enzyte or Extenze stuff. He was a little upset, but I told him, “you know what a big ol' slut I am, I wouldn't have married you if you didn't pay the bills and cut the mustard.”
Ypsilanti, Michigan
Cashier #1: So, how are you?
Cashier #2: Oh, you know — I’m still really upset about–
Cashier #1: –About that whole David* thing?
Cashier #2: Yeah, I’m still really upset about us breaking up.
Cashier #1: Oh… Yeah…
Cashier #2: But he called last night and said he’ll think about getting back together.
Cashier #1: Oh, well… that’s good, isn’t it?
Cashier #2: So then I drank a whole bottle of bourbon by myself in two hours.
Perth
Australia
Married dude: The regular girl wasn’t there so they sent the cute one.
Happily-Married dude: Uh huh, the ugly one wasn’t there so you met with the cute one.
Married dude: I find her very attractive.
Happily-Married dude: You are married!
Married dude: But she’s paralyzed from the waist down.
Happily-Married dude: You’re married! So you are paralyzed from the waist down!
226 Fifth Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Dag
Boss: Sorry about being slow with the orders this summer. I was depressed and almost left my husband. Moving on, I have now ordered some new backpacks for us to sell.
North Washington
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Becky
Woman, very seriously: You need to start getting really depressed if you want to be funny.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Rose Fox
President: You can ask them for it, but technically, when it comes to that, we would no longer be partners, but competitors.
Intern: So it's like we're in a dysfunctional marriage with them? Like love/hate?
President: It's more like they're a bitch and it's the wrong time of the month.
Tampa, Florida
Girl: So I got a phone call from a guy I met at the bar last week.
Guy: Oh, yeah?
Girl: I didn't remember him and he got upset.
Guy: What excuse did you use?
Girl: I told him that I was with a lot of guys that night.
Guy: You're awesome.
Queen's Quay
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Gibber
28-year-old coworker, on 24-year-old boyfriend: I'm totally a cougar.
Washington, DC
Guy auditor to gal auditor: If I solve your dating problems will you then complete my audits for me?
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: How Do I Get That Deal
Woman: Yeah, he was the 12 year one night stand. (pause) God, I can't even be a ho right!
Warrenville Road
Downers Grove, Illinois
Overheard by: Jeny
