IT #1: She’s a nut.
IT #2: Most people are.
IT #1: What kinda nut do you think we are?
IT #2: Cashews because we’re unique and expensive.
IT #1: I guess we could be macadamians.
IT #2: Those are fatty.
30830 Northwestern Highway
Farmington Hills, Michigan
Elderly Boss: I need you to plug in this lamp for me.
Employee: Are you asking me to crawl [under your desk]?
Elderly Boss: You’re the only one who can. You’re my monkey.
703 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, Texas
Bank teller: Ma'am, from now on if you want your balance you'll need to request it.
Customer: How do I request it?
Bank teller: Well, ma'am, you just ask me for it.
Houston, Texas
Staff: You have a second?
IT: Nope, completely out of stock on those.
200 Front Street W
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Supervisor: I wonder if we could get her to move back here. What's keeping her in Austin?
Worker: She has a boyfriend.
Supervisor: Come on! You can get dick anywhere!
Dallas, Texas
Coworker #1: I've got a velvet shirt. Actually, it's velour.
Coworker #2: What the fuck? Either way, who owns a velvet or velour shirt?
Coworker #1: I celebrate all fabrics.
International Place
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: like velour too
Coworker #1: You ever fucked a girl so hard she bled?
Coworker #2: Nah, but I've seen it.
Coworker #1: You've seen it?!
Coworker #2: Yeah, I walked in on my mate and this girl.
Coworker #1: And you stayed around long enough to see that she was bleeding?!
Coworker #2: Well, it was my turn next.
England
Manager: How we doin'?
Sales rep: Good!
Manager: Good.
Sales rep: Sales are good.
Manager: Good!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Project Manager
Boss: So what school did you go to again?
Worker: The University of Illinois.
Boss: Right…that's an Ivy League school, right?
Worker: (stunned silence)
Boston, Massachusetts
Female CS manager: So I'm talking to this guy, and he goes “so you're the supervisor huh, I bet you've got a fat ass.”
Female assistant: I remember that, I was still back here then.
Female CS manager: I was like “oh my god, is he looking in the window?”
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
