Clerk: I saw you driving earlier, did you get your license back?
Customer: Yeah, it's all good now. If I could only stay out of the bar…
Clerk: You don't think there's a connection between those two things?
Customer: What do you mean?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: BFS
Office lady: Is someone moving furniture upstairs?
Cubicle guy: I think Mark* just farted.
Mark*: Excuse me…
Portland, Oregon
Receptionist: Good morning. How may I direct your call?
Telemarketer: I'm looking for Dick. I mean, I'm looking for a dick. I mean, I'm looking for someone named Dick.
Austin, Texas
Assistant director walking through door: Ugh, what is that smell?
Female worker popping popcorn: If it smells like fish, that's Tasha*.
Beckley, West Virginia
Manager: Were we able to determine what the problem actually was?
Technician: No, but it sounded like something that had nothing to do with white people.
McLean, Virginia
Overheard by: Septimus
Opposing counsel: Can you take a leap of faith and eliminate paragraph 6 of the Agreement?
Partner: I think it would be malpractice for me to do so.
Opposing counsel: Malpractice per se, no; but probably not very wise of you either.
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
Shabbily dressed Jewish loan officer: Who? That Nazi Mel Gibson? I hate that Nazi! I'll kill him!
Southfield, Michigan
Cube #1: Uh, what's shingles?
Cube #2: It's like chicken pox.
Cube #3: Thank god I got chicken pox as a kid! I don't want no shingles!
Washington, DC
Broker: Does this look like Joe*'s?
Broker's assistant: No, it looks better than Joe*'s.
Broker: Well, I know it's not as big as Joe*'s or anything…
Leawood, Kansas
Store clerk: Hey, that guy you put on line one, was his name Smith*?
CSR #1: Yeah, it was, how'd you know?
Store clerk: Because he's got that “fuck you for helping me” tone of voice.
CSR #2: Who is he?
Store clerk: My mortal enemy.
CSR #1: Well, fuck you very much!
Newton, Massachusetts
