Straight cube-dweller, about hole punch: Well, it shouldn't go there. It should be out in the open on the desk where I can see it.
Gay cube-dweller: What, you couldn't see it sitting there?
Straight cube-dweller: Well, it lives on my desk, not in the closet.
Gay cube-dweller: It's a shelf above your desk, not a closet.
Straight cube-dweller: Well, you would know more about closets than shelves, wouldn't you?
West Lafayette, Indiana
Office assistant #1: So the boss has been in meetings all day–you must be having a good day?
Office assistant #2: Oh yes! I've been reading conspiracy theories on the internet for the last four hours. I've really learned a lot.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Employee #1: Our VP of Operations locked himself out of his office. He hasn’t been able to get in for about an hour now.
Employee #2: Nobody has a spare key?
Employee #1: Nope, and the tool box that we keep here to help in these kinds of situations is locked in his office too.
650 Technology Park
Lake Mary, Florida
Office bimbette #1: So, I bought a new car last night and I didn't need a guy to help me pick it out or make the deal or anything.
Office bimbette #2: For reals? What kind did of car did you get?
Office bimbette #1: A blue one.
California Street
San Francisco, California
Boss: Why would I pay to watch you take a shower?
Underling: Lots of people pay for it.
Boss: How much would you charge me?
Underling: I don't know, I'm Asian, so I can offer other amenities.
Atlanta, Georgia
Defense attorney: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution continues to assert this witness is an expert but has offered no evidence to support the claim.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Martin*, is this witness your expert?
Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Would you care to establish for the court why the witness is an expert in the field of pediatrics?
Prosecutor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?
State Court
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Xen
Head of technology development: I'm going to spend some time on Twitter. What do you call that? I'm going to twat?
Female employee: No, I don't think that could possibly be right.
Grove City, Ohio
Engineer to another: Don't you just love it when Mark* comes up to your desk and throws down a recipe for soup and asks you where to buy asphalt? And he keeps pointing at it!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: jt
Lawyer: So you actually filed a copyright application?
Creative director: Oh, no, we just slapped a circle “c” after everything.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Admin #1: Do you have a current picture of the enterprise workflow?
Admin #2: Yeah, but it hasn't been updated.
Admin #1: Well, then it's current.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: kea
