VP on phone: What are you doing? (silence) Sounds like you’re taking a shit.
Springfield, Massachusetts
VP on phone: What are you doing? (silence) Sounds like you’re taking a shit.
Springfield, Massachusetts
Coworker on phone: So I told our new accountant what I needed, and he looks at me and says: “But this will take me all day.” I told him: “It takes me all day to do my job too. Did you have other plans?”
3rd Avenue
New York City, New York
Phone girl #1: It has smelled like stuff in here all day.
Phone girl #2: I know, it’s like food just walked over here.
New York City, New York
School administrator on phone: Hello. Has my cat peed yet? Great!
Elite Prep School
California
Mother shouting on cell: How the fuck do I know what he eats? I’m his mother, not his nanny.
New York City Library, New York
Overheard by: Took care of my own children
Receptionist on phone: Did you finish it? What did it say? What do elephants have to do with anything?
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
Office worker, every time her phone rings: Fuck. What now?
Mississauga
Canadia
[8:30 am, a credit card decline notice from a customer in Hawaii is placed on Paul’s* desk. Paul starts dialing the number.]Will*: Paul, don’t you know it’s 3:30 am there?
Paul, continuing to dial: It’s okay, they’re used to it.
Seminole Trail
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: They are *not* used to that
CSR, on speakerphone: And where would you like this order shipped?
Secretary: 123 Main St.*, Los Alamos, New Mexico.
CSR : We don’t ship out of the country.
Secretary: That’s fine, but this address is in the country.
CSR : No, you said to ship it to New Mexico.
Secretary: Yes, New Mexico is a state in the US.
CSR : Sorry, but we can’t ship out of the US.
Secretary: Do you have a supervisor I can talk to, please?
[Long pause.]CSR supervisor: This is Tim. Can I help you?
Secretary: I hope so, Tim. Your employee doesn’t seem to understand that New Mexico is a state in the United States, and so refuses to ship me your product.
Supervisor: Well, that’s true. We can’t ship out of the country. I’m sorry ma’am.
Secretary, raising her voice a little: Have you never even heard of the state of New Mexico? It’s one of the big, square ones? It’s right between Texas and Arizona? It’s one of the 50 United States?
Supervisor: I’m sorry, it’s just our policy not to ship out of the US.
Secretary: Tim, let me get this straight. Your company is going to lose a $14,000 order because the people in your customer service department are too moronic to know or comprehend that the state of New Mexico is a part of the United States?
Supervisor: Yes, ma’am. That’s our policy.
Secretary, completely exasperated: Well, I guess there’s nothing more to be said, is there?
Supervisor: No, ma’am. Have a nice day.
Los Alamos, New Mexico
Overheard by: New Mexican
Receptionist on phone: It was a male chicken, 12 inches tall. It was corn-fed in Iowa and its sign was Pisces… Yeah, bone in.
Constellation
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kaleb
