Phil: I just got back from the restroom… Harry was in a stall talking to somebody on the cell phone while shitting. Farting and flushing and talking. Then he didn't even wash his hands on the way out. Remind me to never ever ever borrow his phone.
Dan: I couldn't talk to somebody and poop at the same time. My poop time is my private time.
Huntsville, Alabama
Sales manager to marketing manager: Isn't it sad when you've spent so much time talking on the phone to customers during the day that you don't want to talk to your wife when you get home?
Marketing manager: No.
Sales manager to recently engaged co-worker: See, this is what you have to look forward to. During the first year you'll argue like crazy, then after that… You won't care anymore.
Tennessee
Overheard by: M&M
Assistant on phone: Hello, Lucy Smith*'s office. (pause) No, she's not available, she's out having an abortion. (pause) Sure, I'll give her the message. Have a good day. (hangs up)
Lucy (angry): What?! Who was that?!
Assistant: Some pro-life group asking for donations.
Lucy: Oh, okay, good work.
Lexington Avenue
New York City, New York
Coworker on phone: Yeah, I’ll be over later, but without the ticks.
Johnson City, Tennessee
Employee to manager: Do you know how to talk to deaf people on the phone?
Williamsville, New York
PA: Buffy Capri, please call the operator, Buffy Capri.
Secretary #1: Who the hell is Buffy Capri?
Secretary #2: I don’t know. An exotic dancer or a porn star?
Secretary #1: Buffy Capri, you’re wanted on the lido deck.
Secretary #3: She’s a paralegal. With a dumb name.
Atlanta, Georgia
VP on phone: What are you doing? (silence) Sounds like you’re taking a shit.
Springfield, Massachusetts
Coworker on phone: So I told our new accountant what I needed, and he looks at me and says: “But this will take me all day.” I told him: “It takes me all day to do my job too. Did you have other plans?”
3rd Avenue
New York City, New York
Phone girl #1: It has smelled like stuff in here all day.
Phone girl #2: I know, it’s like food just walked over here.
New York City, New York
School administrator on phone: Hello. Has my cat peed yet? Great!
Elite Prep School
California
