Accounting drone: Is someone eating fucking jockstraps and dirty socks now? There really needs to be some kind of restrictions on the food people are allowed to eat in here. How about a guideline like: “If it smells like a dead hooker, treat it like a dead hooker and eat it in your car.”? Thank god we don’t have any Indian programmers.
Milwaukee Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Engineer, emphatically: You can ask me until you are blue in the face, but I still can’t give you an answer.
Boss, unimpressed: I need you to give me an answer.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
Guy in stairway: Smell this and tell me I don’t have a problem.
Plymouth, Pennsylvania
[Nurse #1 attempting to restrain combative patient in a dark room.]Nurse #2: You ah… Want me to turn the lights on?
Nurse #1: No, I tie people up in the dark all the time.
University Hospital
San Antonio, Texas
Employee yelling to co-worker: Will! What did I say about fish sticks this morning?!
Hartford, Connecticut
Male employee: I dropped my pen down under my desk.
Cute female employee: I’ll get down there and get it for you.
Male employee: I don’t think that you crawling up from under my desk is the sort of thing people need to see.
Cute female employee: It’s okay! I come up from under lots of people’s desks.
Greeley, Colorado
Overheard by: Alacrity Fitzhugh
Secretary: …and the next time you talk to her, ask her why my cell phone was up her shirt.
Akron, Ohio
Boss: What are you doing?
Employee: Working.
Boss: Seriously?
Employee: Nah. I am actually watching video bulldogs riding on skateboards. Check it out!
Boss: [Walks away shaking head.]
7th Avenue
New York City, New York
Boss on phone: Excuse me? I’m sorry, I don’t speak stupid, let me get one of my employees to speak to you.
Coppell, Texas
Overheard by: Luckily, it wasn’t me.
Financial advisor on phone with possible client: I gave you what you needed. You have the paperwork. You see my partners’ names. Just don’t bullshit me… Stop cursing! I didn’t curse. I said bullshit, that’s not a curse.
50th and Broadway
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Stuck in this Cube
