Cockney waitress to customer: We haven't got any chicken sandwiches, but I can do an impersonation!
Rye
England
Cockney waitress to customer: We haven't got any chicken sandwiches, but I can do an impersonation!
Rye
England
Male coworker: Just tell me what you work out in.
Female coworker: No.
Dallas, Texas
Boss on phone: No, no, you gotta understand, I need some help down there…I’m not the pusher, I’m the receiver.
444 Spear Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: erikrand
Head of IT: Can we get those new computers?
CFO: Sorry, it’s not in the budget this year.
He walks over to the calendar.
CFO: Hey, isn’t this last year’s calendar? When are you going to put up the correct one?
IT Drone: Sorry, a new calendar isn’t in the budget this year.
75 South Church Street
Pittsfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Joe
Partner: Can you please find a nice Jewish lawyer who can unfuck this situation for me?
Dallas, Texas
Office drone #1: Would you go get me a coffee, please?
Office drone #2: What?
Office drone #1: I asked you to get me some coffee.
Office drone #2: (silence)
Office drone #1: I did say “please.”
Office drone #2: Okay, then. (pause) No, thank you.
Manhattan, New York
Female drone: Would you give that to me now, please? I really need it.
Male drone: I already did it; look again.
Female drone: Oh! Oh! There it is! It went straight into my junk!
Eldersburg, Maryland
Overheard by: irrelevant
Worker #1: So, is everyone coming for break?
Worker #2: Not me, I have to stay and make pirate hats.
Worker #3: That's the worst excuse ever to avoid us.
Worker #2: Well, I cant have a drawer labeled “pirate hats” without pirate hats. That'd just be silly.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Code Monkey
Office assistant: Do you want me to send out the “Save the Date” announcement?
Boss: Yes, thanks. That would be helpful.
Office assistant: No problem! I’m happy to spread your STD around!
Boss: [Blank stare.]Office assistant: That sounded bad. But don’t worry… I’m sure no one heard me.
Point Street
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: I Thought This Was a Healthcare Company
Chick shoving sandwich at guy: Do you want this?
Guy: No, why? You don’t want it?
Chick: No, I’m stuffed. I just had an ass-load of salami.
Guy: So, what does that feel like?
401 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: brooklynhero
