CEO: Martina, can you water my plants? I'm wearing Pucci.
Manhattan, New York
CEO: Martina, can you water my plants? I'm wearing Pucci.
Manhattan, New York
Mental patient #1: I like oxygen.
Mental patient #2: Me too.
Mental patient #1: Do you have any M&Ms?
Mental patient #2: No, do you?
Mental patient #1: No. I just thought I'd ask.
Wichita Falls, Texas
Overheard by: I love my job
Supervisor: We need to fill a position. John, I need you to write me a Craig's list ad.
John: What should I put in?
Supervisor: Just put in your job.
Cherry Hill, New Jersey
Assistant: Can I go home sick?
Boss: Why?
Assistant: I ate too much gum.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: OMG
Boss: Did you find that receipt?
Underling: No, it’s not in the receipt file. I checked every receipt for the last six months. It’s not there.
Boss: Why don’t you look again?
Underling: I knew you’d ask, so I looked twice already. It’s not there. Is there somewhere else that you put receipts?
Boss: No, only the receipt file. But if it’s not in there, it’s not a big deal. Later today, if you have time, why don’t you look again in the file?
Underling: Okay, but if it’s not there now, it won’t be there later.
Boss: Yeah okay, but why don’t you just look again?
1028 East Private Road 1200 North
Farmersburg, Indiana
Employee #1: How do you tell the man you're going to marry that they are letting themselves go, and you're not sexually attracted to them anymore?
Employee #2: Leave them for a woman…
Employee #1: What!? I'm not a muff diver!
Employee #2: We can teach you.
Pullman, Washington
Boss: Does anyone have a stapler?
Peon: No, but we have hope!
Chicago, Illinois
Angry customer, ending long rant: Why do I have to sign a form? Why can't I close it over the phone? I didn't have to sign a form to open the account.
CSR: Yes, you did.
(pause)
Angry customer: Will you e-mail it to me?
Boston, Massachusetts
Coworker: I forgot to bring a water bowl for [my dog], do you have anything?
Boss, cheerily: You can use my “15 years sober” bowl!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Customer, ordering every single item on a sub: And olives, and banana peppers, and lettuce… oh, and a little splash of that vinaigrette, I like it messy.
Kearneysville, West Virginia
