Offers and requests

12PM Inventory

Employee: Hey, I have an open hour today. Is there anything you need?
Supervisor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceiling tiles broke, and they don’t make that type anymore, and in order to get an estimate redoing all the ceiling tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Supervisor #2: Yeah…but in the corners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to measure them and figure out what percentage of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an accurate assessment.

30 minutes go by.

Supervisor #1: Are you seriously counting all of those tiles?
Employee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.

11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Bronxie

NewsFlash: UPenn School of Social Work Adopts Controversial ‘Shut Up’ Method, Following Brooklyn’s Lead

Social worker to passing ambulances and police cars: Shut up! God.

260 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: lora

Like Elderly People and the Less Educated

VP: Hey, come here… I've got some stuff I need you to manipulate.

Elmsford, New York

Can We Get through One Meal Without You Asking That?

Lunch mate #1: We should be parts of the reproductive system for Halloween.
Lunch mate #2: Oooooh, can I be a clitoris?!”

Scarborough
Canadia

Overheard by: Cnote

Meanwhile, Rome Burned.

New girl: I'm going downstairs for a smoke before we start checking over. Do you want to come?
Supervisor: No thanks, I just think I'll sit here and fiddle…not with myself!
New girl: Whatever you want to do in your own time.
Supervisor: Hur-hur, yeah, I just sit here and fiddle with myself to unwind. (later, realising new girl has left) Fiddle.

Chiswick Park
London
England

Overheard by: choking on a coke

That's What You Said About My Boob!

Coworker, trying to help another with computer problem: Can I just touch your mouse? Sometimes it helps me think.

Fall River, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Ben

3PM Customer Service

Bank teller: I was working drive-through this morning and offered a customer a bone for her dog in the back seat.
Associate: I think it’s nice that we do that.
Bank teller: The customer said it wasn’t a dog, it was her mother.

801 West Big Beaver Road
Troy, Michigan

It Helps to Draw Naked Ladies in the Margins

Biotech girl #1: I really need to make my paper more sexy, so any comments you have will help.
Biotech girl #2: But I'm not a sexy person, I don't know how much help I'll be.
Biotech girl #1: Oh no, you're a very sexy person! You've written for tons of sexy journals.

Carl Icahn Laboratory
Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: FileTransferer

12PM Lunch

Woman on phone: Mom, tell my brother that if he doesn’t pick up his car, I’m gonna have it towed.
[pause] Woman on phone: Because I don’t want it parked in front of my house.
[pause] Woman on phone: Because I don’t want to advertise to the entire neighborhood that black people live here.

465 Main Street
Charlestown, Massachusetts

I Was Delighted to Learn There Was an Old Gummy Bear Stuck to It

Cube dweller #1: There's one bagel left.
Cube dweller #2: I think that's the one that was on the floor.
Cube dweller #3: No, I ate that one.

Jersey City, New Jersey

© 2026 OverheardinTheOffice.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist