General manager: Did Jimmy* clean the wall in the bathroom?
Business manager: Yeah. Who put boogers on the wall, anyway?

Main Street
Saginaw, Michigan

Coworker #1: So I was talking to my friend on the phone, and there was a snake in his room! I would have snapped it in half! I would’ve come after it with a pair of hedge clippers.
Coworker #2: It wouldn’t so much snap as it would snip.

405 Main Street
Milford, Michigan

Overheard by: John M.

Boss, during full staff meeting: So I asked him, “why does a person need semen to mow the lawn?”
Underling, quietly, to no one in particular: Does she know that's a double entendre?
Presenter, loudly: So back to the operating budget…

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: No you did not

Postal employee: I'm about ready to eat the butthole of a cow.

Post Office

Tech #1: So, my friend is going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, and he wants to secretly get her ring size.
Tech #2: Measure her finger while she’s asleep.
Tech #1: What if she doesn’t sleep very soundly? What if she wakes up and is like, ‘What’s this thing on my finger?’
Tech #2: Get her really hammered.
Tech #1: She doesn’t really drink…
Tech #3: Then just hammer her!

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Overheard by: only girl in the office

Red-faced manager: Frozen again! God fucking dammit! Jesus fucking Christ! I'm getting really fucking pissed off at this motherfucking computer!
Nonchalant passerby: Kick it, then.

Plymouth, Michigan

Admin assistant to African American maintenance guy: Hey, what was that 17 inch black thing you said you needed?

Inkster, Michigan

Overheard by: Wish I hadn't heard it

Boss: So, what do you like about working here?
Employee: Well, I really like that working here, you have your hands on the pulse of campus.
Boss: I'm sorry, did you say “the balls of campus”?

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Didshereallythinkshesaidthat?

Coworker: I’m leaving early, y’all. I ripped my pants, and I can’t work with my vagina hanging out.

Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: Up against her for a promotion

Bank teller: I was working drive-through this morning and offered a customer a bone for her dog in the back seat.
Associate: I think it’s nice that we do that.
Bank teller: The customer said it wasn’t a dog, it was her mother.

801 West Big Beaver Road
Troy, Michigan