Nurse #1: And I don’t know. I just started having this anxiety attack.
Nurse #2: Well, on the bright side, I just made a Klan hood for my finger.

Royal Oak, Michigan

50-year-old woman cashier to customer: … And then I had to chase them with my pants down, and I hadn’t even gotten the chance to wipe yet!

17111 Haggerty Road
Northville, Michigan

Employee #1: Look at all that food you have there.
Employee #2: It’s going to give me a heart attack, but I love it; especially all the greasy bacon and sausage.
Employee #3: I wish I knew someone who knows CPR in case you have a coronary.
Employee #2: [Sean] and [Gina] are medics, they should know CPR.
Employee #1: What do they know about CPR? They are ambulance drivers.

2727 Walker Avenue NW
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Boss: I wouldn’t even be able to kill myself right today. I’d screw it up.
Employee: If it makes you feel better I knocked myself unconscious this weekend.
Boss: Yeah, actually, it does.

323 East Grand River
Howell, Michigan

Overheard by: Pam Beasley

Guy in next cube: I told her that if she came at me like that again, I'd cut her tits off… Yeah, I seriously told her that…well, I was drinking heavily.

Warren, Michigan

Overheard by: Scared for my tits

Area Manager: We will need to open an investigation into this and see what happened.
Superintendent: I’ll tell you what happened: he fucked up!
Area Manager: Well, I didn’t say it needed to be a long investigation.

128 Spring Street
Ypsilanti, Michigan

Office guy: It's for the masonic center, don't fuck it up.
Office girl: Yeah, I hear they will cut a bitch.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Woman on phone: No, he just goes with the flow. And she is his flow.

323 East Grand River
Howell, Michigan

There is this guy a few cubicles over from me. I do not know what he does, but he is always on the phone. I’ve actually started keeping a spreadsheet of some of the things I’ve overheard him say. Some of the best: You can ask yourself that question all day long, but I’m not going to waste any more of my time helping you figure it out.

You don’t have to think for me, I will do the thinking for you.

You work in IT and I work in marketing, so don’t tell me!

Give me your thirty second soapbox spiel and when you are done maybe we can get down to business and get this figured out.

1411 Kingsbury Drive
Portage, Michigan

Dispatcher #1: Which escort service did we use?
Dispatcher #2: Was it “Mom's escort service”?

Monroe, Michigan

Overheard by: Monica