Employee #1: It only stays smooth like a baby’s bottom for about 12 hours.
Employee #2: Maybe… And you’ve got to lube it up pretty good.

1200 Woodward Heights
Ferndale, Michigan

Redhead peon: I think I’m getting a migraine.
Blonde peon: Well, like… At least your butt’s not peeling!

44135 5 Mile Road
Plymouth, Michigan

Receptionist #1: I can’t believe I’ll be in England next week. I think we might drive to Australia, too — they have better beaches.
Receptionist #2: Is that far?
Receptionist #1: No, I think it’s a two-hour drive from here.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Overheard by: Not Even Kidding

Physical therapist: … So he drove all the way down here, and I didn’t even get his clothes off. We’ve just been back there talking the whole time.

1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Which kind of therapy?

Woman on phone: If I sign up for a campus tour will I get to see the campus?
Male coworker: Tell her we lock her in a closet.

Eastern Michigan

Convenience store worker #1: This coffee area is a mess.
Convenience store worker #2, at cash register: I just cleaned my butt off on Sunday.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Overheard by: Rob W

Speakerphone: So, we’re filling out nametags for next week’s meeting. What’s Randy’s title?
Receptionist: Well, he’s The Boss.
Speakerphone: Okay, but what’s his title?
Receptionist: “The Boss”. He’s The Boss.
Speakerphone: All right, he’s your boss, but what’s his title?
Receptionist: He’s “The Boss”!
Speakerphone: Oh, well then…um, okay that’s great. Thanks for your help.

35555 Garfield Road
Clinton Township, Michigan

Overheard by: Stephanie Saffold

CSR: I’ll need your credit card information before I can let you in at my lady parts.

1745 West Jefferson Avenue
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: looking for my credit card

Defendant: Judge, my probation officer says I was drinking. I told him I wasn’t! I told him he could blow me.

111 South Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan

Cubicle rat: He's losing control of his bowels all over the place, his toe nails are long, he stinks and he's getting old. I think I need to put him down.
Cubicle neighbor: I hope you are talking about an animal.

Lansing, Michigan