Meals and Snacks

Boss: Don, I'm going to the restroom. Gonna grab some coffee and we'll just do it, okay?

Seattle, Washington

Supervisor: What are you eating?
Office minion: It's a Hershey's Cookies 'n' Creme chocolate bar.
Supervisor: That looks gross! It's all black and white.
Office minion: Are you kidding? It's racial harmony in a bar.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Meha

Male manager in office full of women: I can't believe with all these bitches here I actually have to get my own coffee!

Hartselle, Alabama

Overheard by: OMG! He's got a Death Wish

PhD student #1: We need something that's heavy and puts you to sleep.
PhD student #2: Like cheese?
PhD student #1: No, not like cheese.

University of Århus
Denmark

Director to peon: Hey! My thighs have been thinking about you all day! (awkward silence) Um, because of the fudge you gave me, that is.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Another nearby Peon

Health inspector to commissioner: So you might be getting a call from this lady about making burgers out of beaver meat.
Secretary to health inspector: Have you ever eaten beaver?
Commissioner, as she walks away: You people can discuss this…

Department of Health
Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Alfie

Office drone: Well, in the past I'd seen him hand out stuffed animals and candy to kids, but this year he didn't do that… from what I saw.

Prosser, Washington

Overheard by: was santa in a windowless van

Coworker on cell: I have a confession to make fast, horse peeps! Are you ready for this? (pause) The reason I have to go home is to do number two. Because last time I think it came out like a subway sandwich. And the toilet doesn?t work upstairs anymore. (pause) Yes, that was me! So there, I feel better now.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Trevor Arnold

CSR #1: Yeah, I was a vegan for a few years.
CSR #2: What happened?
CSR #1: Chicken happened.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Coworker #1: Veal is unborn calf.
Coworker #2: Unborn? I thought it was just babies.
Coworker #1, somberly: No. Cut 'em right out of the womb.
Coworker #2: I'm never eating veal again.
Coworker #1: That's why it's so tender.

Gainesville, Florida