Barbara Bush Still Has a Few Illusions About Her Son

Mom: So, my son had a party while I was away, but at least he cleaned up the blood before I got home.
Friend: Wait… what?

Career Center
Augusta, Maine

Overheard by: Unemployed and unemployable

Posted on November 5, 2017
Friends, Health & Hygiene, Maine, Parents, Violence, Weirdness

Isn't That Lifetime's Tag Line?

Girl to friend: You don't have to use something as depressing as a rape crisis. You know, you can do like… battered women, girl power!

Portland, Maine

Posted on January 10, 2016
Advice, Compare and contrast, Feelings, Friends, Maine, Sexuality, Violence

Umm…

Boss: No, kangaroo rats are not rodents! They're just mini kangaroos!

Maine

Overheard by: amused employee

Posted on October 2, 2015
Animals, Bosses, General Idiocy, Maine

What Exactly Constitutes “Smearing”?

Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.

Yarmouth, Maine

Posted on August 14, 2015
Animals, Customers, Death, Employees, Health & Hygiene, Maine, Meals and Snacks, On the phone, Questions, Time Management

As We Said They Should, Dear Reader

Tom*, reading newspaper: Archie Comics introduces first gay character.
Mike*: They're taking over the world!
Tom*: Archie comics?
Mike*, whispering: No, the gays.

Portland, Maine

Posted on July 25, 2015
Friends, General Idiocy, Maine, Pop culture, Sexuality

Has Someone Alerted 60 Minutes?

Genius: Sometimes the staples are just hanging there, and someone could get hurt.

68 Marginal Way
Portland, Maine

Posted on June 25, 2015
Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Maine

I Don't Care That It's Humpday!

Agitated coworker with rage issues: Please don't mount my cube!

Old Port
Porland, Maine

Posted on June 17, 2015
Anger management, Coworkers, Cubicles, Maine, Offers and requests

Requiring a Constant Airflow Across Her Cooling Fins

Lady #1: Yeah, so I saw Evie* over at the courthouse, and she yells at me, ‘Yo, girl, you wearin’ panties?’ And so I say back, ‘Yeah, I sho’ am!’ Her mother gets right up and tells me she ain’t wearin’ any panties.
Lady #2: Haha. Why she at court?
Lady #1: Some probation thing.

1340 Forest Avenue
Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Reggie Queen