Programmer #1: Do you watch Maggie and the Ferocious Beast?
Programmer #2: [Silence.]Programmer #1: Well, Hamilton is the pig. I don’t know his last name, but he’s the pig in the show.
Programmer #2: [Silence.]

100 Larrabee Road
Westbrook, Maine

Supervisor: Did you answer my phone while I was gone?
Worker bee: It didn’t ring.
Supervisor: Well, did John call for me?
Worker bee: He didn’t call. Your phone didn’t ring.
Supervisor: But did you answer a call from John?
Worker bee: No, when your phone didn’t ring, I didn’t answer it, and when I didn’t answer it, John wasn’t the one that didn’t call.

75 Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine

Overheard by: brian brinegar

Guy on cell in building lobby: Yeah, I googled it, and you can buy straitjackets online.

Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Jennifer

Female coworker to male coworker: Do these pants make me look like I have a penis?

Lisbon Street
Lewiston, Maine

Receptionist #1: You know, I need a big, magic tool. One that doesn’t take batteries.
Receptionist #2: Hahaha!
Receptionist #1: For my pool! To clean my pool… Get your mind out of the gutter…
Receptionist #2: [Still snickering.]

State Street
Augusta, Maine

Overheard by: broken girl

VP Research: The client would like us to find a creative way to solve the problem.
Field Manager: I am tired of looking for the solution to this problem; let’s start looking for someone to blame instead…

85 E Street
South Portland, Maine

Overheard by: brian brinegar

Man: So, I told my girlfriend that if I fuck a midget it is not considered cheating.
Coworker: What? Yes, it is!
Man: No, it isn’t. They aren’t real people.

Presque Isle, Maine

Overheard by: wtf kind of place is this?

HR: What we need to determine about her mistake is, is this fuckup a rare occurrence or is this the type of thing we should come to expect from her.
VP: You mean like the normal run of the mill disasters…
HR: Exactly.

75 Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine

Overheard by: brian brinegar

Customer: I’d like a double hamburger.
McGenius: Is that like a double cheeseburger without cheese?

Bucksport, Maine

Overheard by: Mr. E. Meat

HR Manager: Hey guys, I’m starting a new club in the office. Do you want to join?
Employee: Um sure, what kind of club is it?
HR Manager: It’s a club for people with Wham!’s song “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” stuck in their heads. Congratulations, you are all now members!

85 E Street
South Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Brian Brinegar