Old coworker: What the hell is that on your chin?
Hipster coworker: I’m growing out my goatee.
Old coworker: Why the fuck would you do that?
Hipster coworker: A girl last night at the bar told me it looks sexy.
Old coworker: It looks like a buffer pad for a high speed cocksucker.
43 West 42nd Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: You’ll Get Crumbs In It
Sales guy: How’d the trip go?
IT guy: Went pretty well. Almost had to send your branch manager home though.
Sales guy: Ha, why?
IT guy: After we loaded up all the inventory in an Excel spreadsheet, he kept sorting it wrong. He’d sort just one column. It would scramble the whole thing up and we’d have to delete it and start all over. He did that three times before I banned him from Excel.
Sales guy: You banned him?
IT guy: I banned him.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Salesman: I’m just trying to help you! Every time I see you you’re eating.
Purchasing manager, mouth full of cookies: Every time I see you you’re ugly.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Anonymous Temp
Editor-in-chief to opinion editor: Liberal and short. If I had to describe you in two words, that’d be it. Well, only if I couldn’t use the word ‘bitch.’
Newsroom, Oklahoma State University-Stillwater
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Overheard by: The Opinionator
Male bank president: My daughter’s gonna letter in high school track this year.
Female vice president: Oh?
Male bank president: Yeah, she’s a runner. All year I’ve been taking her out on country roads to let her spread her legs.
Female vice president, under her breath: Putz!
1105 Vargas Street
Atwood, Kansas
Boss to computer: Don't fuck with me! No fucky fucky!
Downtown Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: SJ
Employee #1: How do you spell “who”?
Employee #2: How do you think it should be spelled? Sound it out.
Employee #1: H-O-W?
Employee #2: Does that sound right to you? Aren’t you like, 30 years old? And you can’t spell “who”?
Employee #1: You’re the one who told me to sound it out, bitch.
1818 Hillside Avenue
New Hyde Park, New York
Overheard by: Cathie
Female coworker #1: So I bought this Tupperware to help wildlife. It comes in different colors and designs. This one has dolphins, and one of the others has monkeys on it.
Female coworker #2, mockingly: You are so fucking queer.
Female coworker #1, shouting: I'll show you fucking queer!
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: Shocked & Awed
Manager: Well if they don't fill out the forms right, they don't get their shit. I have no sympathy for them…and you know what I say? If they want to find sympathy, they can look in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis.”
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Peon: [Katie] said I’d be fired because of my hair.
VP: I don’t fire people for having stupid hair.
500 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: TC Ledger
