Office worker: Lemme forward you this e-mail from slave whore Ella*!
BDSM Production Company
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Joy
Office worker: Lemme forward you this e-mail from slave whore Ella*!
BDSM Production Company
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Joy
Newbie: So Diane* is the one with dirty blonde hair?
Seasoned worker: I don't think they like the term “dirty.”
Newbie: Oh yeah, my girlfriend kinda likes being called “dirty.”
Seasoned worker: I meant the hair color.
Newbie: I know!
Inverness Work Plex
Denver, Colorado
Customer: Hey, where's my fucking wasabi, bitch?
Sushi girl: I don't think you asked for…
Manager: I don't know. But I can tell you this–it'll be up your fucking arse if your manners don't improve.
Sushi girl: Wanker!
Manager: Don't swear at work.
Adelaide, Australia
Guy: I’m so beat. I stayed out till 4am drinking last night. I was going to go take a nap in the car, but I think that would be too obvious.
Girl: You can take a nap on the picnic table over there. Then maybe a cop will show up and arrest you because he thinks you’re homeless.
Guy: Bitch! This is business casual!
23825 Commerce Park
Beachwood, Ohio
Manager, just after he finishes dialing phone: I’m calling ol’ big tits.
Female voice: Uh, hello?
Manager: Oh… Hi. Who is this?
Female voice, angrily: This is ‘big tits,’ apparently.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Concerned mother on phone: My son just informed me that the room deposits are due tomorrow.
Secretary: Yes.
Mother: But I’m in Germany, and if I mailed in the money it would take two weeks.
Secretary: Your son could pay with a debit card or cash.
Mother: I gave him a debit card and he lost it.
Secretary: Uh-huh.
Mother: … My son is a goddamned idiot.
Virginia
Old coworker: What the hell is that on your chin?
Hipster coworker: I’m growing out my goatee.
Old coworker: Why the fuck would you do that?
Hipster coworker: A girl last night at the bar told me it looks sexy.
Old coworker: It looks like a buffer pad for a high speed cocksucker.
43 West 42nd Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: You’ll Get Crumbs In It
Sales guy: How’d the trip go?
IT guy: Went pretty well. Almost had to send your branch manager home though.
Sales guy: Ha, why?
IT guy: After we loaded up all the inventory in an Excel spreadsheet, he kept sorting it wrong. He’d sort just one column. It would scramble the whole thing up and we’d have to delete it and start all over. He did that three times before I banned him from Excel.
Sales guy: You banned him?
IT guy: I banned him.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Salesman: I’m just trying to help you! Every time I see you you’re eating.
Purchasing manager, mouth full of cookies: Every time I see you you’re ugly.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Anonymous Temp
Editor-in-chief to opinion editor: Liberal and short. If I had to describe you in two words, that’d be it. Well, only if I couldn’t use the word ‘bitch.’
Newsroom, Oklahoma State University-Stillwater
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Overheard by: The Opinionator
