Insults

Why the President Has a Press Secretary

CSR interrupting production meeting: Hey, sorry, but Dan* from XYZ company wants to know when he can expect his job.
Tech supervisor, screaming: Tell him when hell fucking freezes over! Jesus! I’m fucking tired of these pushy customers! And their shitty little jobs!
CSR: Okay… That’s uh… He’s uh… standing right over there…
Tech supervisor: [Stunned silence.]Boss: Well, you can go take care of that one, buddy… He’s all yours.

1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Mouth opened, foot inserted

You Also Gotta Refrain From Calling it ‘The Gerbil’

Sales guy #1: You’re nasty!
Sales guy #2: I’m not the one that took the pictures on that site.
Sales guy #1: I’m not the one that’s talking about shaving my gerbil!
Sales guy #2: Oooh… You gotta shave the gerbil. You GOTTA.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

I’d Rather Be Alone in Hell, Than Deal with Family in Heaven

Co-worker #1: Is he [the boss] visiting family while he’s on vacation?
Co-worker #2: I don’t think he has family, I think he was spawned from hell.

Hannibal, Missouri

Health Care! Get Over Here!

Black server: I named my baby Cartier.
Timid white server: Oh, yeah?
Black server: My sister named her little girl Lexus Tiara.
Timid white server: Oh, yeah?
Ghetto white server: They always name they babies after shit they can’t afford!

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Native Americans: Jeez, Even the Bigots Ignore Us!

CEO to new sales rep: Use your judgment when it comes to payment schedules. If they sound like good people — you know, like normal Americans on the phone — we’ll bill them. But Ay-rabs and Orientals pay COD. You have to watch those bastards, ’cause they’ll all fuck you.

1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California

Overheard by: Really glad I gave notice yesterday

“There's No Room at the Inn, Bitcheeesss!”

National sales director, about company Christmas tree contest: Fuck needy people. This is about Christmas!

Bonner Springs, Kansas

Why Pavarotti Had to Write His Lyrics on His Hand.

Music agent slamming phone down angrily: God, he’s so unintelligent! I mean, even for a tenor!

1st District
Vienna
Austria

Me Neither. Isn’t Advertising Cool?

Art director: Don’t you have to be educated to do your job?
IT guy: Nope.

11 E 26th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Jeremy

As Though Winnie the Pooh's “Honey Pot” Weren't Dirty Enough

Old lady to friend: I don't know who Madonna thinks she is writing children's books. She's still a slut.

Washington, Utah

Overheard by: Nick West

10AM Meeting with Client

Senior Director: Well, I hate to tell you this, but we’re going to be a week late with your report.
Client on speaker: You fuckin’ serious? The fuck you doing over there? Writing this thing in pen? Sanskrit? The fuck, man?
Senior Director: Actually, I’m chipping it away in stone…hey, don’t you worry about how I’m writing this fucking report! You’ll get it in a week. Who the fuck are you to give me an attitude
Client: Fuck you! Hurry the fuck up! We’re paying your ass, so you should be nice to me!
Senior Director: Kiss my ass!…cock eyed fuck! By the way, how is the wife doing?

51 W. 52nd Street
New York, NY

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