Never Trust a Man to Navigate

Waiter: She did not like it in the ass.
Waitress: Really?
Waiter: At first, I mean.
Waitress: But as she got more and more drunk, it felt better?
Waiter: I don’t know about better, but she stopped yelling.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Posted on March 11, 2015
Coworkers, Gossip, Indiana

Nothing Says Romance Like Suicide While Fleeing the Law

Guy: I always thought we would go out Thelma and Louise style when we were both in our 90’s.
Girl: That sounds about right.
Guy: I’m going to move that up about 60 years if this meeting doesn’t end soon.

32 Washington Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: I agree

Posted on March 8, 2015
Arts, Coworkers, Gripes, Indiana, Meetings, Time Management

Liza Minnelli Lights Up the Stage in Victor/Valtrex

50-something lady on the phone: Do you want a sexual relationship or not? I thought that's what you wanted. (pause) I thought that's what you wanted! (pause) Yes, Victor, I've been taking my medicine. I've been taking my medicine on the same schedule every day!

Evansville, Indiana

Posted on February 19, 2015
Employees, Health & Hygiene, Indiana, On the phone, Questions, Relationships, Sexuality, Wishes

Somebody Hit His ‘Reset’ Button

CSR: Do you know your son’s name? Your secret question is “What is your son’s name?” Do you know your son’s name?
Person resetting password: No, ma’am, I don’t know what that is either.

Mishawka, Indiana

Posted on February 18, 2015
Customer Service, Dumb Customers, Family, General Idiocy, Indiana, Questions, Technology

Tonight’s Movie: Livestock and Two Smoking Barrels

Suit: You need to get off your ass, take control of your life, and have that stupid cow arrested before she kills me.

1 Indiana Square
Indianapolis, Indiana

Posted on February 11, 2015
Advice, Indiana, Suits

But I Won’t Let It Spoil My Peyote High

Manager: Your breath alcohol came back at point 09. We are going to have to term your contract, and you can get a taxi to go get your stuff out of your truck and find a way home.
Driver: That’s a bummer.

7238 Western Select Drive
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: I’m Having a Good Day!

Posted on February 6, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Hiring & Firing, Indiana

… Greg.

Shouting man on cell: Titty-fucking is sex, honey! You promised!

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Posted on February 1, 2015
Indiana, On the phone, Possible Sexual Harassment

Kids Do the Darndest Things, Huh?

Customer, excitedly: Yeah, if I do exactly as the judge says, I’ll be off of probation in a year!
Old cashier: In a year? Lucky you! My son has four years of probation.
Customer: Four years? Man, that’s tough. What did he do?
Old cashier: He shot someone! [Breaks into hysterical laughter along with the customer.]

South Adams Street
Marion, Indiana

Overheard by: Just wanted to pay for my groceries