Southern sales dude: You don't think I can eat? I can eat pal, you should have seen me go down on this poor boy the other night.
Chicago, Illinois
Scientist: My momma always told me to never throw lasers.
Lecture Hall
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: dulcibella
Caller: Yes, I would like to confirm my reservation for tonight. My surname is Tango Anglo-Saxon, Newfoundland–
Receptionist: Um, sir, you lost me at ‘Tango.’ Can I just have the first three letters of your last name?
Kinzie and State Streets
Chicago, Illinois
Male coworker: You missed it! Devon* and I just had a staring contest in which we tried to figure out the color of each other’s eyes.
Female coworker: So, what was the verdict?
Male coworker: That it was too creepy, so we stopped.
1750 East Golf Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Supervisor to manager: You know I’m leaving work early today, right?
Manager: That’s right… For what, again?
Supervisor: I’m getting my cat shaved.
(pause)
Supervisor: My cat… like, our pet cat. A feline.
Ambassador East Hotel
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: laughing one cubicle over
Manager to coworker in next office: Why does it smell like rotten meat in here?
Coworker: Oh, sorry. I'll put my shoes back on.
Chicago, Illinois
Female cube dweller to coworker: Stop that, you don't know me well enough to bite my nipples!
Rockford, Illinois
Boss: There’s no ‘I’ in ‘unity’! Wait… There’s no ‘me’ in ‘team’!
Employees: [Laughter.]
300 East Randolph Street
Chicago, Illinois
Engineer #1: Drew*, you’re having corned beef again?
Team leader: Yeah, I got a big piece of it and cooked it all at once.
Engineer #2: Did you get it at Costco? It’s real cheap there.
Team leader: Yeah, but the thing that sucks is it shrinks when you put it in the oven. You’re thinking you have a big piece of meat, and then you pull it out and you’re all disappointed.
Deer Park, Illinois
Overheard by: office peon/cubicle monkey
Bubbly girl: You know what’s a funny word? ‘Fucker…’ And ‘bitches.’
Oak Lawn
Cook County, Illinois
Overheard by: erin
