Illinois

Coworker #1: So are you eating meat now? Can you eat tuna?
Coworker #2: Yeah, I'm eating meat. I would eat tuna.

Downers Grove, Illinois

Overheard by: SocialWorkIsKillingMe

Executive in meeting: Oh, you brought cold water?
Assistant: Yes, ice water.
Executive: Very nice! Where'd you find ice?
Assistant: In the freezer.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Christine

Male coworker: God, I love tomato soup! I would lick the bowl clean if I weren't worried about walking around the rest of the day looking like I just earned my “red wings”.
Female coworker: You can go ahead and lick it. We have napkins.

Rockford, Illinois

Overheard by: Wowzers

Male coworker to another: As a man, have you ever had your nipples get sore from your shirt rubbing on them?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Amelia

Coworker to receptionist: Yeah, that's her in the picture. I recognize the triple chin. I bet she's a secret dominatrix or something.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: crosberg

Coworker #1: Ugh. I don't feel like being at work today.
Coworker #2: I know. Don't you ever wish you could just fall out of bed in the morning and break both your legs so you could take a sick day?

Chicago, Illinois

Marketing girl #1: Everything south of us is an hour ahead right?
Marketing girl #2: Ummmmm… No. Everything east of us is an hour ahead.
Marketing girl #1: But Florida is south of us, and they are an hour ahead of us.
Marketing girl #2: (blank stare)

Chicago, Illinois

Worker #1: My roommate has this book about all the kinds of poops you can have and what it means about your health.
Worker #2: Kinds of poops?
Worker #1: Yeah, like floaters, sinkers, clean poop…
Worker #2: Clean poop?!
Worker #1: The kind that slides right out and leaves your butt clean.
Worker #2: That should be called “perfect poop”.

Loyola Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Worker #1: Did you hear me? I just said I hit my knee on the window.
Worker #2: But there are no windows in your cubicle.
Worker #1: I know, I meant chair.
Worker #2: Hey [worker #3], did you hear [worker #1]? She said window but meant chair.
Worker #1: I also meant arm not knee.
Worker #2: Wait, so when you said, “I hit my knee on the window,” you really meant,”I hit my arm on the chair?”
Worker #1: Yeah.
Worker #2: You’re beautiful.

Rt 31, Illinois

Coworker #1: What does he wear?
Coworker #2: He usually wears moccasins and tight pants.
Coworker #1: Tight pants? What is a moccasins? Oh my god! He wears those?

Palatine, Illinois