Teacher: What’s one-fifth of 15?
Class, in unison: Five!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: High school student, appalled
Teacher: What’s one-fifth of 15?
Class, in unison: Five!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: High school student, appalled
Cop: What’s your name?
Gangbanger: Huh?
Cop: Huh?
Gangbanger: Huh?
Cop: Huh?
Gangbanger: Huh?
Cop: Huh?
Gangbanger: Derrick Johnson*.
Cop: Where do you live?
Gangbanger: Huh?
Cop: Huh?
5200 W Madison Street
Chicago, Illinois
Coworker #1: Yeah, my DVD won’t record my VHS tapes over to disks. I was messing with it all night.
Coworker #2: Well, DVD players sometimes have different formats — maybe you just didn’t get the right format.
Coworker #1: Here are the disks I was using. Are these the right format for my DVD recorder?
Coworker #2: These are CDs. Where did you get these from?
Coworker #1: What?
Coworker #2: You need to get DVD disks, these are for music.
Coworker #1: I just want to put my VHS tapes on DVDs, and it’s not working.
Coworker #2: You bought CDs, you need to go and buy DVDs to do that.
Coworker #1: I’ve been working on this for the past two days.
Chicago, Illinois
Woman to young girl: Oh, I got some news that will make you so jealous! I have two colons!
87th Avenue and Roberts Road
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: sarah
Security guard #1: … So then she got arrested again.
Security guard #2: Oh, what’s that now?
Security guard #1: Yeah, she got arrested for stealing chickens.
333 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Krazy Karl
Dad’s friend: So, your daughter turns 34 tomorrow?
Dad: Yeah, I sent her a card.
Dad’s friend: What does it say?
Dad: ‘Happy Birthday, Sweetie. You’ve finally grown into your bra size.’
Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
Thrift store connoisseur: Well, I don’t like underwear with stains anyway…
19043 Wentworth Avenue
Lansing, Illinois
Overheard by: Rusti
Marketing professor: How many countries are in Africa? I’m going to go around the room, and each of you give me a number.
Student #1: 50?
Student #2: 62?
Student #3: 54?
Marketing professor to sorority girl: How many do you think?
Sorority girl: I thought Africa was a country.
Peoria, Illinois
Man, buying lottery ticket in liquor store: If I win this, the old lady can cut back to part time.
725 W. Golf Road
Hoffman Estates, Illinois
Overheard by: I didn’t win either
Suit #1: I am about finished writing up the policy on policies.
Suit #2: Uh huh.
Northwestern University, 2020 Ridge
Evanston, Illinois
