CEO: So, how long will it take you to set that up?
System admin: Um…two minutes?
CEO: Five. You've got five. See, I doubled-and-a-halved it for you!
System admin, developer, designer: What?

State & Water
Peoria, Illinois

Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…

Postal worker #1: It's supposed to storm…
Postal worker #2: Yes, at six.
Postal worker #1: But not till after six, right?
Postal worker #2: The storm is scheduled for 6:05.

Post Office
Franklin Park, Illinois

Office worker: I can’t get into MAS. My codes aren’t working.
Tech, after trying to enter codes: What the fuck? Now the numbers aren’t even coming up.
Office worker, five minutes later: Uh, dude, you’re using my calculator.
Tech: Son of a bitch!


Overheard by: G$

Female architect to male engineer: I don't care about the size of your beam, it's not going to fit in this space I have!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Office temp

Coworker #1: Have you ever seen “The Hills Have Eyes”?
Coworker #2: Nah, I don’t like horror movies about mutants.
Coworker #1: They’re not mutants. Okay, they like live in this town where the government did like nuclear testing and it…
Coworker #2: Turned them into mutants.
Coworker #1: Well I guess… Based on how you define mutant.
Coworker #2: Someone who is changed or ‘mutated’ by radioactive material… Mutant.
Coworker #1: Yeah? well they all lived in this town where they were doing testing.
Coworker #3: Oh yeah. I saw that one. It gets into the water supply and there’s like a big lawsuit!
Coworker #2: No dude, that’s “Erin Brockovich”
Coworker #3: Oh. Yeah.

E Golf Rd
Schaumburg, Illinois

Overheard by: Emily

Boss’s 80-year-old dad: I don’t think I am going to keep my realtor’s license.
Boss’s 80-year-old mom: Okay… Then what are you going to do?
Boss’s 80-year-old dad: I’ll become a sex therapist!

126 York Street
Elmhurst, Illinois

Overheard by: Joanie

Broker #1: I’m getting a divorce.
Broker #2: No way, man. You’re lying.
Broker #1, sadly: I wouldn’t lie about that.
Broker #2: Oh, now, you’re just saying that to make me jealous.

30 South Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois

Female coworker: (makes kissing noises while hovering over male coworker's neck)
Male recipient: See? I had a wart there. Now, gone!

The Loop
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Office Ninja

Photo person cleaning out pump nozzle of green hand sanitizer: This is just like picking boogers out of a toddler!

Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois

Angry boss: Aristotle is not Belgian!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Hear No Evil