Health & Hygiene

Woman #1: Maybe it fell out because her vagina had no…tone.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #3: Right, no Kegel’s.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Right, you are supposed to do Kegel’s all day.
Woman #2: Since when?
Woman #1: From when you are 20. Or have a lot of sex.
Woman #3: I’d rather have a lot of sex than do Kegel’s, but I do them, too.
Woman #2: What? My vagina is fine without either one. Don’t tell my husband that, either.
Woman #3: You’ll be sorry when you are older.
Woman #1: You never did Kegel’s? We used to have contests at my other job.

Only man in the meeting walks in.

Woman #2: Well! What do men have to do?
Woman #3, smiling sweetly: Nothing. Men are perfect.

Bergen County, New Jersey

Salesperson #1, after eating slice of pie: It was so nice of the other department to offer us some pie! I am going to make them some origami in return.
Salesperson #2, after sneezing loudly and all over the place: I'm gonna give 'em that.
Salesperson #3: Seriously. Ew.

Florida

Overheard by: Looking for the hand sanitizer…

Co-worker #1: What are you drinking? Oh, my daughter loves that stuff.
Co-worker #2: This is a Red Bull. Isn’t your daughter only five?
Co-worker #1: Yes. My husband always gives it to her.

901 Mission Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Julia Goolia

Boss to employee: Lepers don't change their spots.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Chad

Girl to male coworker: And the only place she has stretch marks is on her legs.
Male coworker: Oh, that's cool.

San Francisco, California

Mom: So, my son had a party while I was away, but at least he cleaned up the blood before I got home.
Friend: Wait… what?

Career Center
Augusta, Maine

Overheard by: Unemployed and unemployable

Office lady: Whatever happened with your belly button?
Boss: Oh, it still hasn't healed. You wanna see?
Office lady: Ew! No!

Washington, DC

Overheard by: CreativeBunny

Woman clerk: You all need to get your hot flashes together so we can get to work!

Springfield, Ohio

Overheard by: Azazel

Resident: What brings you here today?
Patient waiting for mammogram, pap smear, and colonoscopy: I’m here for a mammogram, a twat-o-gram, and an ass-o-gram.

Hospital, 1000 Blythe Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina

Customer: You mean you don’t have any wheelchair seats left for that matinee?
Assistant manager: No ma’am. We have a lot of senior citizen groups that come to matinees and they tend to fill up our wheelchair seats.
Customer: Well, I would say put me and my husband in two regular seats, but he doesn’t have any legs!
Husband: It’s true, I don’t have any legs!
Assistant manager: Ummm, ok. Let me see what I can do for you.

Shenandoah University Theatre ticket office
Winchester, Virginia

Overheard by: Jennifer Ellerbe