Defense attorney: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution continues to assert this witness is an expert but has offered no evidence to support the claim.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Martin*, is this witness your expert?
Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Would you care to establish for the court why the witness is an expert in the field of pediatrics?
Prosecutor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?
State Court
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Xen
Loud cube drone: It happened again!
Friend: What?
Loud cube drone: I couldn't sleep!
Friend: Oh no, what did you do?
Loud cube drone: Well, I didn't do anything this time. Usually I would just take one of those sleeping pills, like Zoloft, the ones I usually take…
Washington, DC
Female tech: I have the funniest hiccups. They sound like kittens!
Boss: If you say so.
McComb, Mississippi
Secretary: Your forehead is looking good today.
Boss: Yeah, the hole is still there but at least the scab is gone.
810 Highway 6 South
Houston, Texas
Office woman #1: You don't wanna eat butt?
Office woman #2: Not stinky butt!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Silent Assistant
Co-worker: Every time I board an airplane nowadays, I look around and figure out who I’m going to eat if we crash.
115 Perimeter Center Place NE
Atlanta, Georgia
Coworker on phone: Aw, did he poop? (pause) Twice? Nice! (pause) Yeah, no, if it's loose you can't pick it up. (pause) Uh-huh. That's good.
7th Ave
New York City
Overheard by: Had to hold in his own.
Boss to secretary: Can you clean your juice off my drawers?
Grandview, Ohio
Overheard by: Midnight Meat Train
Manager: Well if they don't fill out the forms right, they don't get their shit. I have no sympathy for them…and you know what I say? If they want to find sympathy, they can look in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis.”
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Scared CSR: Someone just blew up the bathroom!
Marshall Street
Richmond, Virginia
