Co-Worker #1: Kids are just a built in excuse to call in sick. If Carl* can call in because his kid is sick, I should be able to call in sick because I’m hungover.
Co-Worker #2: Wouldn’t that be every day then?
Co-Worker #1: No, I mean too hungover to work.
Highways 7 and 78
Independence, Missouri
Overheard by: steak of life
Coworker #1: You're so lucky you get to go home early!
Coworker #2: Nah, I have to go to my mom and dad's house. I just hope I don't get MRSA… Or crabs.
Everett, Washington
Coworker to another, during lunch: Would you know a maggot if you saw one?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Glad they didn't bring anything back for me.
Guy employee: So I read in the news today that drinking from Nalgene bottles while you’re pregnant may cause a miscarriage.
Girl employee: Oh my gosh! My best friend just had a miscarriage, and she drinks from a Nalgene bottle all the time!
Guy employee: See?
Tully’s Coffee, Union Station
Seattle, Washington
Attorney: Wait until I get into my fecal matter/colon thing.
New York City, New York
Gay hairstylist: But people who have anal don't get prostrate cancer…
Manager: They only get hemorrhoids.
Gay hairstylist: That's true, after a while it looks like a cauliflower. But, anyway, we do not get prostate cancer, because the cock acts like a massage therapist.
Manager: Riiiiight!
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Copy editor, muttering to herself: Party foul, for dubious misuse of the verb “finger.” (pause) Contractions are your friends! Will everyone stop being so damn British?!
Dundee
Scotland
Overheard by: musingvenus
Boss: Are we not paying you enough, that you have to come in wearing those shoes?
Cute female receptionist: What's wrong with my shoes?
Boss: They're covered in scuff marks.
Cute female receptionist: Stop being so superficial! And they're not scuff marks, it's pigeon crap.
Madison Ave
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Dasma
Female coworker, threatening another female coworker: Well, if I get a fucking yeast infection, you’re going to be the first to hear about it!
6th & Maple
Spokane, Washington
Fat manager: I'm sweating Diet Coke and doughnuts.
Charlottesville, Virginia
