Lady suit, at lunch: How is it?
Male suit: It needs something.
Lady suit: Perhaps you should have asked for a more aggressive vegetable.
9th Street and Main Avenue
Durango, Colorado
Lady suit, at lunch: How is it?
Male suit: It needs something.
Lady suit: Perhaps you should have asked for a more aggressive vegetable.
9th Street and Main Avenue
Durango, Colorado
White coworker: So, you’re from Baltimore, right?
Black coworker: No, everyone thinks all there is to Maryland is Baltimore. I’m actually from a small town called Upper Marlboro, which is closer to D.C.
White coworker: Really? Baltimore is cool. Is where you’re from like Baltimore?
Black coworker: Oh, no, it’s very different. In fact, people from Baltimore don’t like people from P.G. so much. They say we’re bourgeois, stuck up, and that we act like white people. But we don’t act white, we just have money.
29th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Laughing inside
Patient: Stop raping me!
Nurse #1: Did I just hear that?
Nurse #2: She has been yelling it all day.
Randolph Road
Plainfield, New Jersey
Employee on phone: My buddy just told me this story about how his wife was so drunk last weekend in a high-end club in the Hamptons, and she ran to the bathroom to puke but never fully made it to the toilet. On top of that, as she was puking everywhere, turns out she was also shitting herself. So now the whole club had to be closed down because it smelled like shit and puke. Isn’t that hysterical?
Boss walks in.
Employee to boss: Hey, do you know this club?
Boss: Yeah, I actually went there last Saturday night, but we left immediately because it smelled like shit and vomit.
60th Street & Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: holding-it-in
Broker: I’m going to grab some lunch; if my wife calls, tell her I’m not going down tonight. She’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.
250 West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Worker #1: Every time I kiss her, she tries to stick her tongue in my mouth.
Worker #2: What’s wrong with that?
Worker #1: I just don’t think it’s appropriate. She is married, after all.
Seattle, Washington
Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right….
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone]
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Will
Dispatcher, deciding whether to continue an affair: I’m not very good at, like, breaking hearts, y’know?
Seattle, Washington
Co-worker: She said I was giving her an ulcer…But I don’t even have ulcers!
1127 Euclid Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Timid 20-year-old: Excuse me, ma’am…
Sassy 30-year-old: I know you didn’t just ‘Ma’am’ me!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
