PMSing office worker: I'm in such a bad mood. I'm bloated and eating everything in sight. It's like, “just bleed, dammit!”
Sympathetic coworker #1: I started this morning, so you should be okay soon.
Sympathetic coworker #2: I started yesterday.
Only male in the office: Fuck me.
Norman, Oklahoma
Manager on the phone: I'm carrying the shoulders of five people on my back.
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Rather confused
Fellow cube dweller on cell to friend: He gets all clingy every time I have a miscarriage.
Henderson, Nevada
Overheard by: Sal Sagev
Female coworker, after receiving text from hubby: That's 25 cents I'll never get back.
Nebraska
Overheard by: WOW
Creative director: This is the equivalent of a Wal-Mart cashier wearing rubber gloves. They don't like me, and I don't like them.
Augusta, Maine
Female peon, exiting bathroom in disgust: Ugh, I hate the way my ass smells.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Pudangdang
Young engineer #1: Hey, dude, how are you?
Young engineer #2: Oh, man, Johnson is killing me today!
Greenville, Texas
Large Korean who likes burgers: You better bring back In-N-Out. I hate Dick's, but love it when it's In-N-Out. Dick's are so small, they never fill me up, that's why it's always gotta be In-N-Out.
Jet City, Washington
Overheard by: Big Fan of Burgers-
Female coworker #1: Ohmigod, my plant's dead…
Female coworker #2: I can't believe you whined and complained for months about how you didn't get a “new hire plant” like everyone else, and when you get one… a week later it's dead because you don't water it.
Female coworker #3: I heard all these plants are responsibility tests. If you kill the plant, you're gone.
Boss over intercom to coworker #1: Report to my office immediately.
Female coworker #2: He knows about the plant.
Female coworker #1: Fuck.
McKinney, Texas
Salesman: Man, I hate it that my brain is so small that I get confused real easy.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
