Manager: Take the mop bucket over to the mop area.
Employee: How?
Iowa
Manager: Take the mop bucket over to the mop area.
Employee: How?
Iowa
Illustrator #1: What is the difference between a libertarian and a Republican?
Illustrator #2: Do you know what a Vulcan is?
Illustrator #1: Uh… I guess, like Mr Spock.
Illustrator #2: Well, a Republican is to a libertarian what a Vulcan is to a Romulan.
Illustrator #1: What the hell is a Romulan?
Illustrator #2: Well, they look like Vulcans, but they are more… Well, on the original show they represented the USSR.
Illustrator #1: So, a libertarian is a communist?
Illustrator #2: Well, no. Okay, do you know what a Centauran is?
Illustrator #1: No, and please don't tell me.
Greenville, Texas
Overheard by: Michael Philippus
PhD student #1: We need something that's heavy and puts you to sleep.
PhD student #2: Like cheese?
PhD student #1: No, not like cheese.
University of Århus
Denmark
Slutty girl: Ugh, I feel all queasy today. Like even the smell of water makes me want to puke.
Girl #1: Last time I felt like that I was pregnant.
Slutty girl: Don't say that!
Girl #2: When was the last time you got some?
Slutty girl: Like two weeks ago. Oh, but never mind, Dave's* dick was so small there's no way I'm pregnant.
Texas
Woman in hardware store, holding tube of black caulk: Does this caulk come in a smaller size?
Helpful hardware dude: No ma'm, black caulk only comes in large sizes.
Hardware Store
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: of course it does…..
Employee #1, trying to put flash drive in front USB port: It won't fit.
Employee #2: That's what she said.
Employee #1: Seriously, it's too big!
Employee #2: That's what she said!
Employee #3: Well, try it in the back.
Employee #2: That's what she said!
Employee #1: It's in!
Employee #2: That's what she said!
Employees #1 & #3: Shut up, Dave*!
Port Orchard, Washington
Receptionist: Chickens don't have sex, they just come out of eggs.
London
England
Coworker: But if I print it on both sides of the paper, how do I see what's on the other side?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Boss: We want to have the title field on the business card, so include on the ordering page a drop-down list so the employee can select a title, and corporate standards are consistent.
IT consultant: No problem, do you have a list of titles?
Boss: No.
IT consultant: So what would you like to have in the drop-down list?
Boss: A list of titles.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Secretary, filing her nails: It's a real contribution to society, knowing how to jazzercise.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: I wish I could jazzercize
