Office girl #1: I have a canker sore.
Office girl #2: Maybe it’s herpes.
Office girl #1: No — I wish.
971 Coley Drive
Mountain Home, Arkansas
Overheard by: data entry girl
Office girl #1: I have a canker sore.
Office girl #2: Maybe it’s herpes.
Office girl #1: No — I wish.
971 Coley Drive
Mountain Home, Arkansas
Overheard by: data entry girl
Techie, answering phone: Hello, this is Brenda*…No, I wasn’t just speaking to someone on the phone… I’m positive; I work in IT so I rarely talk to anyone.
100 Sylvan Road
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: June Bug
Woman #1, hanging up after talking to boyfriend: What a dummy. He said that the internet isn't working at home because he deleted the modem or something, I wasn't really listening. God, boys are so stupid.
Woman #2: Seriously.
Loveland, Colorado
Boss: Did you see [Martha]’s eye?
Underling: No, why?
Boss: She’s got pink eye.
Underling: Oh wow, that sucks.
Boss: I’m afraid.
Underling: Why?
Boss: [Martha] was looking at me all day.
Underling: What?
Boss: I can get pink eye if she looks at me, right?
Underling: I don’t think pink eye is communicable via the act of looking.
8270 Greensboro Drive
McLean, Virginia
Conductor, over loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we've found the glitch in this temporary schedule, some genius has us leaving at 8:22, so we'll now sit here a full 10 minutes! Sorry for the delay. (several minutes later) Ladies and gentlemen, once again, we're waiting for time to catch up to us, we've got 4 minutes left until we've left the station.
Manhattan, New York
Coworker #1: Yeah, I have syringes at home. Don’t you?
Coworker #2: No. Why? Does someone in your house have diabetes?
Coworker #1: No. Is this weird? Hold on, let me call my brother.
(a few minutes later.)
Coworker #1: Oh, well. They’re not syringes. They’re teeth whiteners.
West Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Supervisor: I saw a unicorn just the other day!
Coworker #1: No, you did not. They're extinct.
Supervisor: What?
Coworker #2: What?
Coworker #1: They been extinct since Jesus's time!
Supervisor: You believe in mermaids?
Coworker #1: Well, duh, mermaids were around during Jesus too!
Coworker #2: Neither of those things exist.
Coworker #1: Ohmigod! Are you serious? But my mom told me when I was a kid!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Malikat
Clueless coworker, trying to sell candidate to potential employer: Yes, he's bilingual. He speaks five languages!
St. Louis, Missouri
Coworker on way to office birthday party: Let's go eat some of this birth cake.
Pal: Technically, it's “after-birth” cake.
Erie Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Admin Ass
Customer: Can I have one of these items that is in a box?
Employee: Of course [retrieves item].
Customer: Can you check to make sure it isn’t broken?
Employee: No problem! [Cuts tape and opens box.]Customer: Great! Now, can I have one that hasn’t been opened?
670 University Avenue
Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
Canadia
Overheard by: Shaking Head in Disbelief
