Store manager on phone: And I said, “Lord god, please Jesus, don't let my mama's water be cut off, not with that old man living in that house with her, and he ain't had no bowel movement in three days.”
Northport, Alabama
Overheard by: Lisa
Store manager on phone: And I said, “Lord god, please Jesus, don't let my mama's water be cut off, not with that old man living in that house with her, and he ain't had no bowel movement in three days.”
Northport, Alabama
Overheard by: Lisa
Old woman, filling out request for copy of marriage license form: Mine's kind of crooked. Is yours crooked? (pause) Oh, I'm filling out an application for a marriage license. I don't want to do that again!
New Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Alexis
CTO, jokingly: What the fuck!? Are you on dope?
Engineer: No. That's my daughter. And she won't share. Bitch.
Norwalk, Connecticut
Coworker on Wednesday: I need to give my kids a bath. I haven't given them one since Sunday.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Cha Cha D.
Sales guy: Okay, so my brother has a blowhole. (laughter, awkward looks) No, really. It's a hole on the roof of his mouth. What do you think I'm talking about?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Cubicle rat #1: I don't understand how people drop babies.
Cubicle rat #2: What? Do you mean because they're awkward?
Cubicle rat #1: Yeah, they're just so heavy. They are like a glass of water, you know?
Cubicle rat #2: What?!
Cubicle rat #1: Yeah, I mean, unless it's like slippery or something.
Branchburg, New Jersey
Overheard by: So confused
Painter #1: I can't find that roller anywhere.
Painter #2: Did you check…
Painter #1, interrupting: I've looked everywhere.
Painter #2: Did you check your butt?
Painter #1: Did you check your mom's butt?
Painter #2: Did you check your mom's face?
Boss painter: Dammit guys, get back to work!
Atlanta, Georgia
Employee #1: My stepdaughter won over $2000.
Employee #2: What's she gonna do with all that money? She should put it towards college!
Employee #1: She's 13 and a redneck. She ain't goin' to college. Plus, she's fine, so she just needs to find her a good lookin' redneck with lots of money, and she'll be set.
Shreveport, Louisiana
Radiologist, dictating: The patient is an 80-year-old woman with a history of constipation. The films of the patient's abdomen are non-diagnostic, because there is a child in the way. Repeat films should be obtained to determine if the child is actually in the patient's abdomen or lying on the image plate behind her.
Lakeville, Massachusetts
Nearby cubicle dweller: I can't believe my nephew only got a 10% on the science test! So if there were a hundred questions, it means he only got one right!
Freehold, New Jersey
Overheard by: Rob
