Administrator (filling water bottle at cooler): Hey.
Office worker (walking by): Hey.
Administrator: How are you?
Office worker: Good.
Administrator: How is the baby?
Office worker: Fat.
Hanover Square
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Mr. Uncreative
Judge: So what does your wife do for a living?
Potential juror: Nothing.
Judge: She does nothing?
Potential juror: Nope.
Judge: Do you have kids?
Potential juror: Yes.
Judge: Yeah, she does “nothing”.
265 East 161st Street
Bronx, New York
Overheard by: John
IT woman #1: How do you work this thing?
IT guy #1: What is it? An iPod?
IT woman #1: Yeah, I’m trying to restart it but I don’t know how.
IT guy #3: Ctrl, alt, delete!
IT woman #1: Don’t any of you have iPods to help me out?
IT guy #2: I’ll call my kids.
Maersk Offices
Algate, London
Boss: Have a great Christmas, everyone. I’m going to go see my new grandkid.
Secretary: Aw. You have a new grandchild? Is this the first time
you’ll see it?
Boss: Yeah, they’re delivering by C-section on Wednesday.
2320 West Highway 76
Branson, Missouri
Worker bee #1: Hey, have you ever been at your buddies' house and really had to fart, but you didn't want to so you held it in for the longest time, but then you finally had to let it go, and just as you do his mom walks down the stairs?
Worker bee #2: I really have no idea what to say to that.
Worker bee #1: Yeah, it's never happened to me either, though I guess it's only a matter of time.
Lethbridge
Alberta
Canadia
Postdoc: No, my landlord won’t allow two people living in the apartment.
Grad student: But it’s just your wife living with you.
Postdoc: Right.
Grad student: But wives don’t count as people!
Carl Icahn Laboratory
Princeton, New Jersey
Receptionist, as editor walks in: How did [aspiring author] sound on the phone?
Editor: I dunno, what do you mean?
Receptionist: Well, I sent him information about how to publish his book, and he told me that his family was trying to kill him.
Lawrence, Massachusetts
Associate: It's my birthday today!
Receptionist: Oh, it's my little sister's birthday too, she's turning one.
Associate: Oh, that's cute. Is she your mum's first child?
Sydney
Australia
