Legally blind patient: Ow! Owww, owwww! Hey, you can't do this to me! Where's the doctor?
Man in white coat: I am the doctor.
Hospital
Manhattan, New York
Legally blind patient: Ow! Owww, owwww! Hey, you can't do this to me! Where's the doctor?
Man in white coat: I am the doctor.
Hospital
Manhattan, New York
Doctor to nurse: Obviously his continuing to smoke has made his lung cancer worse… But the smoking is doing wonders for his schizophrenia!
Corning, New York
Doctor: I'm thinking about going up to Austin this weekend.
Nurse #1: What's in Houston?
Doctor: Austin.
Nurse #2: What about Houston?
Doctor: Austin!
Smart-ass tech: Boston?
Lackland Air Force Base, Texas
Overheard by: Geographically Declined
Radiologist, dictating: The patient is an 80-year-old woman with a history of constipation. The films of the patient's abdomen are non-diagnostic, because there is a child in the way. Repeat films should be obtained to determine if the child is actually in the patient's abdomen or lying on the image plate behind her.
Lakeville, Massachusetts
Office manager, on decrease of patient numbers: Well, doc, I know you're going down on your patients but… wait, that wasn't the right way to say that.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jill
Clinical coordinator: Jerry doesn't like my box.
IT guy: I didn't say I didn't like your box! I just don't think we should let other doctors use it.
Pharmacist: I think that the doctors would just abuse your box.
Visalia, California
Older male patient: I have been previously diagnosed with glaucoma, cataract and immaculate degeneration.
Doctor: Uh, do you mean macular degeneration?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Barry
Nurse: Okay, so, she's dyin'?
Doctor: I guess.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Horse veterinarian to assistant: Okay, I'm going to need him sedated. Sue, you scrub him, and…Heather, get on the penis.
Cleveland, Ohio
Clinician, after drinking from sports bottle: Man, nothing is worse than bad tequila.
ASU Student Health
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Auntie Maim
