Crazies

What Happens When You Think About Things that Don’t Bear Thinking About

IT guy: Oh, good I’m back to the top of your favorite people list.
Sales assistant: What? William* the hot A/C guy got bumped down?
IT guy: William’s gone; he’s off the list.
Sales guy: Isn’t William a gerbil?
Sales assistant: That’s my gerbil! We’re talking about the A/C guy now.
Sales guy: Ask Peter* about gerbil; he likes ’em.
IT guy: Ed breeds the gerbils.
Sales guy: I breed them just for you. Hairless, clawless gerbils.
Peter: Edsgerbils.com!
Sales guy: You don’t want one with claws..
Peter: Go to Edsgerbils.com to get your hairless gerbils.
Sales guy: Don’t forget clawless… you don’t want one with claws.
Office Manager: Stop with the gerbils.
Sales guy, to himself: No… don’t want one with claws….

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

That’s Your Answer for Everything

Coworker #1: Are you bringing something tomorrow?
Coworker #2: Yeah, but I’m not sure what. Everyone is so hard to please.
Coworker #1: I know. I want to make that pasta dish I told you about, but it has a lot of vegetables. I have to find out who likes what, and what they don’t like. It’d be easier to kill everyone instead.

12300 Olive Boulevard
St. Louis, Missouri

1PM Head Out for a Bite

Maniac: Come in, I won’t bite anymore.
Worker: …Won’t bite…anymore?
Maniac: I usedta work at a veternarian. He usedta lock me up with the animals in a cage! When they’d bark, the only way to get them to stop was to bark at them. And bite them–on the ear!

708 Broadway elevator
New York, NY

Overheard by: Kevin Davidson

Let’s Hope It’s Downers

Worker: I will bring the estimate in to you once I have taken my medication! Geez!

830 5th Avenue
New York, NY

After Her Last Album’s Failure, Ms. Wilson Went into a Bit of a Slump

Guy: Hey, can you tell me how to get to Billings, Montana?
Desk clerk: Yeah, just go north on 95, then east on 90. That’s the best way to get there.
Guy: Thanks! I just got fired. I’m a carnie. Carnie!

Hillcrest
Moscow, Idaho

Overheard by: They have small hands.

The Concept of ‘Caring’ Was Not Covered at MIT — Please Explain

Engineer #1: So how’s it going?
Engineer #2: Crazy. Completely crazy. Why’d you ask?
Engineer #1: Because I care, dumbass.

500 Howard Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: really touched

Like Stimulants and Depressants?

Female suit to employee: I'm a weird person and I'm in a weird mood today, so you'd think they'd cancel each other out.

Iowa City, Iowa

Or a Glitch in the Matrix?

Writer muttering to himself: Do I have the hiccups? Do I actually have the hiccups? Is that actually what’s happening to me?

Renton, Washington

Crazy Coworkers, Represent!

Crazy coworker: I like to think that when we die, we don't go to heaven but we go to our favorite decade.

Government Office
Washington, DC

Someone Had to Tell the CEO

Woman across the hall: You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail.

3811 O’Hara Street
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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