Female coworker #1: So, Jack* is like, ‘I feel obliged to tell the supervisor I caught you cheating again.’ And obviously I can’t have that — if I lose this job I’m screwed for the month.
Female coworker #2: Totally. So what did you do to shut him up?
Female coworker #1: Let him lick my boobs in the store room.
Female coworker #2: One boob or both?
Female coworker #1: Both.
Female coworker #2: Good plan.
Duane Reed, Times Square
New York, New York
Agent: So you went to Virginia Beach on your vacation?
Manager: No, I went to West Virginia.
Agent: Oh. Where’s Virginia Beach? In East Virginia?
10243 Genetic Center Drive
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Cat
Elderly overweight coworker: Yes, it was expensive to take a taxi one city block everyday, but I didn't want to get raped.
Young uncomfortable male coworker: No, I don't blame you.
Scarborough
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: not a rapist
Coworker #1: My stomach is upset today, I have the shits.
Coworker #2: Yeah, I like chips…
Pennsylvania
PhD #1: So we need to find babies who’s mothers smoked during their pregnancies.
PhD #2: What would be great is if we could find some pregnant women who smoke and monitor the fetus before, and a while after birth. But that’s kinda illegal and unethical.
PhD #1: Yeah, we can’t really encourage women to continue smoking while they’re pregnant.
30 South 2000 East
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: whitney
Coworker to boss: Wait, rewind. I didn't understand what you said.
Boss: Blahdebludebloop! That was me rewinding.
Littleton, New Hampshire
Cube rat girl: You’ve really contributed to my progress as a human being. Like, I’ve learned all these new terms from you. Like ‘owned,’ and ‘oh, word?’ And ‘meh’!
Cube rat guy: See? So what would your life be like without me?
Cube rat girl: Well, I think pretty much the same, but with a few less words.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Parts store clerk #1 to parts store clerk #2: I don't know about taking this test. These words they use, I don't know where they get these words from. Maybe it's just me, cause I'm from the South.
Customer, chuckling: Them can't be real words, can they?
Parts clerk #1: No.
Parts clerk #2: You're just way too country to take that test.
Decatur, Tennessee
Client: Guess who I met today?
Staff: Who?
Client: Some guy on the bus that used to go here, but I don’t know his name.
4558 Roswell Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Thuggette: I don't know what a penis is for. I don't even know how to put a condom on. All you need to know is to put it in, take it out, wash it off, and go to sleep. It's a mushroom. A long-ass stink mushroom. Shit.
Washington, DC
