Coworker, about military uniforms: When you look at young sailors, you can tell the ones who polish and the ones who don't.
Madison, Wisconsin
Coworker, about military uniforms: When you look at young sailors, you can tell the ones who polish and the ones who don't.
Madison, Wisconsin
Co-worker: Oh crap. We’re having a fire drill today? That fucking sucks. It’s too fucking cold for that shit.
Drill Captain: Yes, I know…but they are important. We need to do them at least twice a year.
Co-worker: How the fuck are they important? Did you miss fire safety week in the first grade? You don’t know what to do if there is a fire? Well, here you go: take the stairs down to the lobby and go outside away from the fire. Shit, you probably still get into strangers’ cars if they offer you candy.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: nicolette
IT guy: This is brand new. It's pre-owned.
Coworker: So is it brand new? Or pre-owned?
IT guy: It's brand new pre-owned.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: God help us.
Female co-worker #1: You do have gonads.
Female co-worker #2: I do?
1800 M Street NW
Washington, DC
Young blonde secretary: My boyfriend’s in jail. He’s got another year to go.
Avuncular man: Why do you need this loser? Is this the best you can do?
Young blonde secretary: I don’t know. I guess I should break up with him, but I don’t know why I don’t.
Avuncular man: How can you not know? If you saw a child smearing chocolate all over the walls and you asked him, ‘Why are you doing that?’ and he said, ‘I don’t know,’ what would you say to him?
Young blonde secretary: I’d say, ‘Stop it!’ … So I guess I should just stop it, huh?
Avuncular man: And if he didn’t stop, you’d slap the shit out of him, wouldn’t you?
Young blonde secretary: Yeah… But I don’t know why I don’t stop.
Avuncular man: Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but if you were my daughter, I’d slap some sense into you.
Young blonde secretary: Yeah, my father has tried that.
Avuncular man: Apparently he didn’t slap you hard enough.
Secretary’s boss, walking into room: Are you talking about your boyfriend again?
Lawyer’s office
Rockville Center, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Smoking coworker, making a cigarette “dance”, singing: It's that time again, time for a kiss with my smoky friend.
Receptionist: Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Smoking coworker: Actually, I was!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amused
Coworker, on cell: I'm sorry, she's passed away. (pause) She's passed away. (pause) She's dead.
Baltimore, Maryland
Coworker #1 (talking about the newly designed official computer desktop wallpapers): I don’t like the word “zero” in the wallpaper. It’s like such a negative number!
Coworker #2: It’s not negative if it’s used in a positive way.
Shubhada Building
Mumbai
India
Overheard by: M
Coworker to another: “Capone” as in the gangster, or “Capone” like the country?
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Queen Report Monkey
