Financial specialist, in front of his pregnant wife/coworker: God, I would nail someone if they had some bacon right now!
Wife/coworker: What the hell is wrong with you?

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: God Help Me

Wife, reading advertisement: What is an erotic petting zoo?
Husband: A what?
Wife, louder: An erotic petting zoo!
Husband, looking: That says “exotic” petting zoo.
Wife: Oh, well…that makes more sense.

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee

Woman: Gary*, do you have any peach paper?
Gary, flabbergasted: Peach paper?! I’m a man!

Madison Street
Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: jimBO

IT guy on phone: Be ready when I get home.
(clicks it to speakerphone)
IT guy’s wife: Well, that is fine but I did not put the butt plug in the freezer yet.
IT guy: (clicks speaker phone off) Hey! Sorry, I know you hate the speakerphone…

Naval Base
Pensacola, Florida

Puzzled Irish girl: Look at that! Magnetic bookmarks! What a stupid idea!
Puzzled boyfriend: Why?
Puzzled Irish girl: Well, where are you ever going to find a metal book?
Puzzled boyfriend: Hmm, yeah, you’re right.

Perth, Australia

Overheard by: Gina

Dad: I swear, I am going to break her arm by the time she is two.
Mom: She is two.
Dad: Three, then.

Outback Steakhouse
Green Brook, New Jersey

Wife, browsing through movies: Well, how about The Midnight Meat Train?
Husband: Your mom rides the midnight meat train.

Video Rental Store
New York City, New York

Overheard by: jb

Boyfriend to girlfriend: I can't get an elephant tattooed on my ass, elephants are really big.
Girlfriend: People have solar systems tattooed on them, and those things are fucking huge.

Mahwah, New Jersey

Loud female boss behind office door: Well, it's happened four times now. You obviously don't find me attractive anymore.
Boss' husband, on speakerphone: I don't control it! I simply submit requests!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Old lady to husband: She's about 85 years old, ya know? She dresses like a teenager, but she's real small… and perky.

Hotel Lobby