Couples

Let’s Say, ‘Within This Fiscal Year’

Dad: I swear, I am going to break her arm by the time she is two.
Mom: She is two.
Dad: Three, then.

Outback Steakhouse
Green Brook, New Jersey

Posted on May 11, 2015
Couples, Family, Family members, New Jersey, Service, Time Management, Violence

So It'll Be Very Personal to Us.

Wife, browsing through movies: Well, how about The Midnight Meat Train?
Husband: Your mom rides the midnight meat train.

Video Rental Store
New York City, New York

Overheard by: jb

Posted on April 21, 2015
Cinema, Couples, Family, New York, Weirdness

Besides, Can You Think Of a Better Way to Say “I'm Republican”?

Boyfriend to girlfriend: I can't get an elephant tattooed on my ass, elephants are really big.
Girlfriend: People have solar systems tattooed on them, and those things are fucking huge.

Mahwah, New Jersey

Posted on March 10, 2015
Animals, Body Parts, Compare and contrast, Couples, General Idiocy, New Jersey, Physical Appearance

It's Always a Mistake to Outsource a Core Business Function

Loud female boss behind office door: Well, it's happened four times now. You obviously don't find me attractive anymore.
Boss' husband, on speakerphone: I don't control it! I simply submit requests!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 5, 2015
Bosses, Couples, Offers and requests, Pennsylvania, Physical Appearance, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality

And, Man, Can She Work a Pole.

Old lady to husband: She's about 85 years old, ya know? She dresses like a teenager, but she's real small… and perky.

Hotel Lobby
Michigan

Posted on January 20, 2015
Age and ageing, Clothes, Compare and contrast, Couples, Michigan

…And I Want That Reflected in My Annual Review.

28-year-old coworker, on 24-year-old boyfriend: I'm totally a cougar.

Washington, DC

Posted on November 7, 2014
Age and ageing, Couples, Relationships, Washington DC

Smells Like Victory Over Death

Old lady to husband as she walks out of doctor's office: Oh, I love to smell that alcohol!

Longwood Ave
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: smellslikemartinis

Posted on November 5, 2014
Couples, Drinking, Health & Hygiene, Massachusetts, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Unless It's One of Those Prairie Schooner Cruises

Woman: So, when people take an Alaskan Cruise, do they go to the west coast of Alaska?
Man: Yeah…I think so.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on September 2, 2014
Couples, Geography & History, Holidays, Illinois, Questions, Travel

…Who Reacts to the Movie Babe That Way??

Wife: Did you get my text about the nasty whore pig?
Husband: Yes, I got the text about the nasty whore pig, what exactly is wrong with you?

Wyandotte, Michigan

Overheard by: Trish

Posted on August 16, 2010
Animals, Couples, Insults, Michigan, Questions

Isn't That the Point When You Consult a Doctor?

Coworker on phone with husband: Be careful with that thing. Once you get it up you can't get it back down.

Hopkinsville, Kentucky

Overheard by: will1966

Posted on August 11, 2010
Advice, Body Parts, Couples, Coworkers, Kentucky, On the phone, Sensory Experiences