28-year-old coworker, on 24-year-old boyfriend: I'm totally a cougar.

Washington, DC

Old lady to husband as she walks out of doctor's office: Oh, I love to smell that alcohol!

Longwood Ave
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: smellslikemartinis

Woman: So, when people take an Alaskan Cruise, do they go to the west coast of Alaska?
Man: Yeah…I think so.

Chicago, Illinois

Wife: Did you get my text about the nasty whore pig?
Husband: Yes, I got the text about the nasty whore pig, what exactly is wrong with you?

Wyandotte, Michigan

Overheard by: Trish

Coworker on phone with husband: Be careful with that thing. Once you get it up you can't get it back down.

Hopkinsville, Kentucky

Overheard by: will1966

Coworker #1 to husband who dropped off lunch: What is on your shirt?
Husband: I spilled Coke.
Coworker #1: Do you want me to suck it?

St. George, Utah

Overheard by: Charlie

Guy to girl: You're crying, you're upset, and you have to show boob when you don't want.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Basia Emano

Man, pointing to a book: There it is.
Woman: Kama Sutra? That's not Feng Shui.
Man: Close enough.


Overheard by: Adrianne

Wife on speakerphone to office mate: We're going to have to decide once and for all if we're going to do that insurance fraud thing.

Victoria, Texas

Overheard by: Why I never use speakerphone

Him: You take croissant dough, roll it out, fill it with fajita meat, onions, peppers… Cover it with cheese, roll it up them, and put more cheese on it.
Her: That's called a “stromboli.”
Him: No it's not. It's a Bradley special. It's what I always give out on the third date.

San Antonio, Texas