Girl #1: Why does God send all the crazy callers to me?
Girl #2: Because he sees you touch yourself at night.
Bloomington, Illinois
Co-worker #1: Is that pumpkin cream cheese?
Co-worker #2: I think so.
Co-worker #1: You mean you just blindly put that on your bagel?
Co-worker #2: What else would make it orange?
Co-worker #1: …Um…orange?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, what else is orange but pumpkin?
225 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
Marketing Manager: Hey, so welcome back! First day at work with your new boobs, huh?
Writer: No, it would appear the same old ones still work here.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Gay 20-something coworker, to female 20-something coworker, eyeing coworker's blackberry: You know, with you having that phone, I'd think you were a professional…until you opened your mouth.
University of California
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: venusflesh
Boss: Those are pretty. Who are they from?
Secretary: Myself. Sorry men send flowers. I don’t need any sorry men in my life.
8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Writer, standing in doorway: You've got a lot of cat stuff in here now.
Designer: I was thinking that. It's kind of creepy. Seems like I might be gay, or some kind of weirdo loner who talks to his cat all the time.
Writer: Well, at least it's not saying things about you people don't already know.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Miel Durand
Coworker #1: So, what do you think about Nicole Richie? Do you think she’s anorexic?
Coworker #2: I don’t think she’s anorexic. I just think she never eats.
29111 Stephenson Highway
Madison Heights, Michigan
Overheard by: Make it stop
Coworker to another: If your balls were full of oxygen and my wife were drowning, she'd rather die than suck on your balls.
Durham, North Carolina
