Boss: Never lie to a transsexual!
Los Angeles, California
Boss: Never lie to a transsexual!
Los Angeles, California
Worker bee: I love the smell of gasoline. I’d sniff gasoline all day long, if it wouldn’t, you know, kill you.
2000 East El Segundo Boulevard
El Segundo, California
Batty old receptionist to worker: So what did you do over Thanksgiving weekend?
Worker: Oh, I delivered twins!
Batty old receptionist: Okay…
Worker: I'm a Big Sister with Big Brothers/Big Sisters, and my little sister got pregnant. Guess that means I'm not such a good Big Sister…
Beverly Hills, California
Flight attendant: … And if this love plane becomes a love boat, please use your seat cushion as a flotation device.
Sacramento International Airport
California
Overheard by: Wishing I wasn’t sitting next to my grandmother
Bitter CSR: She got some flowers delivered… I should take them — I bet she doesn’t even deserve flowers… But I probably don’t deserve her abusive boyfriend.
2610 Portland Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: also flower-less and bitter
Boss: So, if there is a fire, you go after the hard drives first?
Fireman, dumbfounded: Uhhh… Well… We would go for life preservation first — of whoever’s in the building…
Boss: Oh, and then you go after the computers and stuff?
Fireman: … After that we try to contain the fire…
Graphic design office
Huntington Beach, California
Coworker #1: It smells like old people in here.
Coworker #2: What do old people smell like?
Coworker #3: Death and feces.
San Rafael, California
Co-Worker #1: So, your last day is coming up, right?
Co-Worker #2: Yeah, thank God for that.
Co-Worker #1: I wonder who they will replace you with. Maybe the homeless guy on the street. I bet he could do as good as you.
Co-Worker #2: I’m not sure I like your style.
Santa Monica, California
Nurse: Yeah, and she came in with a bandanna rotting inside her. Her brilliant boyfriend used it as a condom.
Girl #1: Dude! Sperm will soak right through that shit! He should have used a plastic bag or something. Maybe some Saran Wrap and a rubber band.
Girl #2: Seriously! What if she got pregnant?
Girl #1: The baby will come out with a doo-rag on its head, saying, ‘Whassup, Moms?!’
Saratoga & Kiely
Overheard by: People are sick
Executive: I once had to tell a supreme court judge to remove his martini from the canoe. The judge was attending an opening reception of a museum exhibition. He said to me, ‘What are you going to do, sue me?’
San Francisco, California
