Flight attendant: … And if this love plane becomes a love boat, please use your seat cushion as a flotation device.
Sacramento International Airport
California
Overheard by: Wishing I wasn’t sitting next to my grandmother
Flight attendant: … And if this love plane becomes a love boat, please use your seat cushion as a flotation device.
Sacramento International Airport
California
Overheard by: Wishing I wasn’t sitting next to my grandmother
Bitter CSR: She got some flowers delivered… I should take them — I bet she doesn’t even deserve flowers… But I probably don’t deserve her abusive boyfriend.
2610 Portland Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: also flower-less and bitter
Boss: So, if there is a fire, you go after the hard drives first?
Fireman, dumbfounded: Uhhh… Well… We would go for life preservation first — of whoever’s in the building…
Boss: Oh, and then you go after the computers and stuff?
Fireman: … After that we try to contain the fire…
Graphic design office
Huntington Beach, California
Coworker #1: It smells like old people in here.
Coworker #2: What do old people smell like?
Coworker #3: Death and feces.
San Rafael, California
Co-Worker #1: So, your last day is coming up, right?
Co-Worker #2: Yeah, thank God for that.
Co-Worker #1: I wonder who they will replace you with. Maybe the homeless guy on the street. I bet he could do as good as you.
Co-Worker #2: I’m not sure I like your style.
Santa Monica, California
Nurse: Yeah, and she came in with a bandanna rotting inside her. Her brilliant boyfriend used it as a condom.
Girl #1: Dude! Sperm will soak right through that shit! He should have used a plastic bag or something. Maybe some Saran Wrap and a rubber band.
Girl #2: Seriously! What if she got pregnant?
Girl #1: The baby will come out with a doo-rag on its head, saying, ‘Whassup, Moms?!’
Saratoga & Kiely
Overheard by: People are sick
Executive: I once had to tell a supreme court judge to remove his martini from the canoe. The judge was attending an opening reception of a museum exhibition. He said to me, ‘What are you going to do, sue me?’
San Francisco, California
Boss: My daughter's turning two tomorrow.
Employee: What can I get her? Anything she doesn't have that she really needs?
Boss: An “off” button.
Santa Barbara, California
Manager #1: [Eric]? I hate [Eric].
Manager #2: You hate [Eric]? But he’s such a nice guy.
Manager #1: Yeah, but he always takes too long to tell you a fucking lie.
50 W. San Fernando Street
San Jose, California
Lawyer #1: We still have the right to prove we’re right, right?
Lawyer #2: Right.
465 California Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: dances with lawyers
