California

Female admin #1: So, how's Pepe doing?
Female admin #2: He's a figment of his own imagination.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Melissa

Editor: You blow up the condoms, and I'll make the dog.

Palo Alto, California

Overheard by: Mollena Williams

Employee helping customer with curtains: Now I'm slightly tacky, but I think you could work these…

Bed Bath & Beyond
San Francisco, California

Girl peon#1: I don't think it's safe to transport raccoons in your car, even if they are in a booster seat.
Girl peon#2: A booster seat is always the exception to the rule.

Hall of Justice
Sacramento, California

Student #1: Check out my bone sword. (holds up arm)
Student #2: Your what?
Student #1: My bone sword. It's strong!

San Diego, California

Overheard by: 5th gr. teacher

Manager: Why doesn't our testing server work?
Programmer: I'll tell you exactly why it doesn't work. I built it.
Manager: I'm leaving now.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: He's right.

Boss to conference call participant: Is that study from the US?
Conference call participant: No, it's from Massachusetts.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Window with no office

Boss: We need you two to go through these patents on review, every line of them, very carefully. You're going to have to be real anal.
Blond coworker: Oh, I'm real good at anal.
Boss: Great, any questions?

Menlo Park, California

Boss to colleague on phone: Yeah, the English language is quite infectious. It's like an STD.

Atascadero, California

Overheard by: I speak Gonorrhea

Female coworker #1: I just haven't been feeling well lately.
Female coworker #2: Do you want to suck on something?

Westminster, California