Boss: At least we aren't in Tahiti!
Marketing guy: Tahiti?
Boss: Yeah, I heard they had a bad storm there.
Marketing guy: I didn't hear about that.
Boss: Oh… I think it was an earthquake actually.
Marketing guy: Uh-huh. You mean Haiti?
Boss: Yeah, that's it. An earthquake in Haiti.
Beachwood, Ohio
Overheard by: ~The Cleveland Kid
Director: Make me happy.
Systems administrator: Okay.
Director: Make me happy, but for under a hundred dollars.
Systems administrator: I'm walking away now.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Allison
Program manager: Would you let me mess with his head for just two minutes?
Hill Air Force Base
Utah
Overheard by: Snickering Intern
HR receptionist: Ginny called and was looking for you earlier.
HR director: Oh shit! (pause) Oh shit!
HR receptionist: What!? What's wrong?
HR director: My uncle Jimmy called?! I haven't talked to him in years!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Store manager on phone: And I said, “Lord god, please Jesus, don't let my mama's water be cut off, not with that old man living in that house with her, and he ain't had no bowel movement in three days.”
Northport, Alabama
Overheard by: Lisa
Manager to gay employee: If you were a man, you'd understand.
Gay employee: Uhhhh… (head tilt)
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: silent bystander, slowly backing away
Employee: Yeah, and they are supposed to be a big agency.
Boss: Well, bigger is not always better.
Employee: I'd have to disagree in some cases.
Boss: You are dirty, get out of my office.
Scottsdale, Arizona
CTO, jokingly: What the fuck!? Are you on dope?
Engineer: No. That's my daughter. And she won't share. Bitch.
Norwalk, Connecticut
Program manager, about difficult client: I had to bring extra staff because I couldn't count on her to be there. Did you know she has a chihuahua named Anna Nicole? She snuck it into the hotel.
Marketing manager: Oh. My. God. (pause) At least she didn't name it Paris Hilton.
North Carolina
Boss #1: Look at all that red on there!
Secretary: Yeah, well, it's a short paragraph.
Boss #1: Well, you know what they say about guys with short paragraphs…
Boss #2: You get red fast!
Boss #1: It's not the size of the paragraph that matters, it's the frequency.
Oak Brook, Illinois
