Guy: That’s because you broke it!
Hot blonde: I know, I totally put it in the wrong hole.
Guy: You should be more careful.
Hot blonde: I added more liquid, but I get no smoke.
Guy: Did you make sure to re-insert the thingie?
80 Grasslands Avenue
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Co-worker #1: All we ever talk about in this office is food. It is
always in the conversation.
Co-worker #2: Well, it is at every social occasion, and we center our lives around it in a way.
Co-worker #1: We should all become prostitutes so our conversations
center around our sexual liaisons rather then food.
2601 4th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
New employee: Did you say to never schedule a meeting in the cafeteria or the nursing mothers station?
Experienced employee: Never in the nursing mothers station!
New employee: But the cafeteria doesn't have a phone…
Greenfield, Indiana
Boss: You shouldn’t keep your desk so clean.
Analyst: You want me to make a mess on my desk before I leave every night?
Boss: It’s a perception thing.
1 American Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Office peon on phone: … It’s almost like you’re putting the monkey before the horse.
S. Lima Street
Englewood, Colorado
Office hoochie on cell: You need to call him and find out who is the source of all the knuckleheadedness.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Musician on speaker: We are super-psyched, yo. It is huge for us.
Producer: You need to do this show, if you do this show you are going to blow up. Blow up like shit!
441 East 12th Street
New York, NY
Tech: Okay, now right-click there.
Admin: Here?
Tech: No, right-click. Right there.
Admin: Okay…
Tech: No, get rid of that. Right-click. Right there. Right-click. Right-click…Which button are you clicking?
Admin: The left one.
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Stoner coworker training newbie on fax machine: This fax machine, like, never works… But I find it really helpful if you whistle the tune to Close Encounters of the Third Kind while you’re faxing… [Newbie stares.] See?! Another fax through!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sarita
Male coworker: God, I love tomato soup! I would lick the bowl clean if I weren't worried about walking around the rest of the day looking like I just earned my “red wings”.
Female coworker: You can go ahead and lick it. We have napkins.
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: Wowzers
