Co-worker: The worst thing you can do is pull over on the side of the road and get into your trunk. It’s a good way to get yourself killed.
1201 West Peachtree Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
Employee #1: I don’t know what to write.
Employee #2: How about, “I’m surprised you cheap skanks chipped in ten bucks a piece”?
Employee #1: …I was thinking more, “I am sure I will get a lot of use out of this.”
327 West Michigan Avenue
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Programmer #1: How do I turn on logging in the web application?
Programmer #2: Talk dirty to it.
5450 Tech Center Drive
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Co-worker on phone: Let’s take the new Financial Controller from [the client] out to lunch. Is she cute?…Oh, it’s a guy…Does he have a sense of humor?
680 George Street
Sydney, New South Wales
Australia
Co-worker: Stop putting on your makeup at work! Do it on the subway, like normal people!
1250 Broadway
New York, NY
Co-worker #1: I really want to go get a cookie from the food cube, but [Anne’s] using the computer in there
Co-worker #2: Well, go get one anyway. And tell her to pull her pants
down.
127 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
Lawyer: You need to learn how to be human. Be less perfect; you don’t have to be so precise about everything. Be less professional. Any questions?
Secretary: Yeah. Do you have a handbook for how to be human?
Lawyer: Oh, now you’re going to be a smartass.
701 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Tech on phone: Okay, go ahead and type in your password…Yep, just type it in…In the password field…Just type it…With your keyboard…Should be right in front of you… Has letters on it…Great!
3601 SW Murray Boulevard
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: onebadwebmonkey
Candidate: Do you have a listing of job openings?
HR Secretary: Yes, there is a list on the blue piece of paper on the table.
Candidate: Which one?
HR Secretary: The blue piece of paper.
Candidate: This one?
HR Secretary: Yes.
Candidate: I’m not qualified for any of these. Do you have any other positions open?
HR Secretary: Did you turn it over? There are more job listings on the back.
Candidate: Oh.
155 Deer Hill Avenue
Danbury, Connecticut
Co-worker #1: You should get that fan fixed. It’s really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don’t mind it.
Co-worker #1: It’s really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don’t mind. I just pretend I’m working in my private jet at 30,000 feet. It’s noisy for a computer fan but it’s really quiet for a jet.
2137 Highway 35
Holmdel, New Jersey
Overheard by: Chuck Roast
