Worker #1: Well, you’ll need to just put it in Lucy’s* box.
Worker #2: True… Is she here today?
Worker #1: Yes. Just go up to her office and put it in her box or ask her where else she wants it.
Worker #2: Her box is always so full! But I’ll dig around and find some room.
Bloomington, Indiana
Director of nursing: I mean, you gotta be able to recognize the signs and be able to say, ‘That’s not a fear of dying, that’s constipation!’
Hospice
Denver, Colorado
Female coworker #1, sobbing in bathroom: I can’t believe he’s dead!
Female coworker #2: Neither can I!
Female coworker #3: Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.
Senior female partner, entering bathroom: Having a bad day? [Coworkers #2 and #3 nod.] You know what works for me?
Female coworker #3: Oh… Yes? What would that be?
Senior female partner: I put one hand over my heart, and the other hand over my stomach. I breathe in deeply. I then say to myself, ‘I’m here. I’m right here, right now.’ It works every time! I feel better straight away! [Long silence, then] Okay, well, [waves goodbye and leaves].
Female coworker #3: Wow. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!
Collins Street
Melbourne
Australia
Front desk agent #1, entering bathroom: What are you girls doing? We have a line of guests!
Front desk agent #2: I'm trying to poop and can't concentrate because of her poop problem.
Front desk agent #3: I'm not responsible if she dies, I warned her from the beginning.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: LasVegas
Coworker: So it'll be a big circle-jerk, a big emergency.
Ventura, California
Cube dweller: I can't discipline my children, they don't listen to me.
Boss: Nothing better than spanking a wet, naked ass.
Peabody, Massachusetts
Cubicle partner: it's like spilled milk under the bridge…
Manhattan, New York
Manager everyone loathes: It’s okay to talk to me verbally about that…
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Glad I work in another department
Developer: So we need to get those trees down before the rafters come back.
Underling: “Rafters”?
Developer: R-a-f-t-e-r-s. You know, like a hawk? They’re gonna nest in the trees if we don’t cut ’em down first.
Underling: Right. Raptors.
855 Capitolio Way
San Luis Obispo, California
Lady #1: I’m very tired. I went out last night.
Lady #2: Oh, did you have a lot to drink?
Lady #1: Of course not, I’m pregnant.
Lady #2: It’s pretty bad to drink when you’re pregnant.
Lady #1: Yeah, it’s so expensive, and you’ve gotta save money to buy baby stuff.
Goulbourn Street
Sydney, Australia
