Boss: Don’t do as I do. In fact, don’t even do as I say.
2807 Gulf Freeway
Houston, Texas
Boss: Don’t do as I do. In fact, don’t even do as I say.
2807 Gulf Freeway
Houston, Texas
Employee #1: …but you don’t have to listen to me. I’m not the boss or anything; I’m just the only one here who knows how to do anything.
Employee #2: And the difference is?
700 West Highland Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Scientist: My momma always told me to never throw lasers.
Lecture Hall
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: dulcibella
Receptionist: Steve, you have to dial 8 before you send a fax, or it won't work.
Mechanic: Even when you dial long distance?
Receptionist: Even when you dial long distance.
Mechanic: But I sent a fax yesterday without dialing 8.
Receptionist: No, you didn't. I got annoyed and put it in the shredder after you walked off and left it beeping.
Mechanic: I guess thats why he didn't get the fax…
Receptionist: Yeah, I guess thats why.
Indianapolis, Indianapolis
Worker #1: Well, you’ll need to just put it in Lucy’s* box.
Worker #2: True… Is she here today?
Worker #1: Yes. Just go up to her office and put it in her box or ask her where else she wants it.
Worker #2: Her box is always so full! But I’ll dig around and find some room.
Bloomington, Indiana
Director of nursing: I mean, you gotta be able to recognize the signs and be able to say, ‘That’s not a fear of dying, that’s constipation!’
Hospice
Denver, Colorado
Female coworker #1, sobbing in bathroom: I can’t believe he’s dead!
Female coworker #2: Neither can I!
Female coworker #3: Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.
Senior female partner, entering bathroom: Having a bad day? [Coworkers #2 and #3 nod.] You know what works for me?
Female coworker #3: Oh… Yes? What would that be?
Senior female partner: I put one hand over my heart, and the other hand over my stomach. I breathe in deeply. I then say to myself, ‘I’m here. I’m right here, right now.’ It works every time! I feel better straight away! [Long silence, then] Okay, well, [waves goodbye and leaves].
Female coworker #3: Wow. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!
Collins Street
Melbourne
Australia
Front desk agent #1, entering bathroom: What are you girls doing? We have a line of guests!
Front desk agent #2: I'm trying to poop and can't concentrate because of her poop problem.
Front desk agent #3: I'm not responsible if she dies, I warned her from the beginning.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: LasVegas
Coworker: So it'll be a big circle-jerk, a big emergency.
Ventura, California
Cube dweller: I can't discipline my children, they don't listen to me.
Boss: Nothing better than spanking a wet, naked ass.
Peabody, Massachusetts
