It's Kinda Like Finding a Long-Distance Provider

Black FedEx guy: You married yet?
White banker guy: Haven't met the right girl yet.
Black FedEx guy: There are no white girls!
Banker guy: No right girl.
Black FedEx guy: There are no right girls either. You just got to pick one and marry them and have some kids, that's what I did.

Midtown
New York City, New York

Overheard by: CDog

Posted on May 23, 2019
Advice, Employees, Family, Feelings, Financial Folk, New York, Race

About a Quarter Involve Your Dad.

Drone #1: I just don't know what to do with myself!
Drone #2: I have some suggestions, and I promise only about half involve your mom.

Kirkland, Washington

Overheard by: LDAP

Posted on May 15, 2019
Advice, Coworkers, Family, Washington

“…here, I filled this pen with blood for you.”

Client: I didn’t read this contract yet
Lawyer: I didn’t read it either. But you can just go ahead and sign it.

200 Park Avenue
New York, New York

Posted on April 26, 2019
Advice, Customers, General Idiocy, Gripes, Lawyers, New York

I Just Want to Know What a Tannoy Is

Tannoy: A pair of glasses has been found in the car park. If you have lost a pair, please come and pick them up from reception…if you can find the way.

Thames House
Thames Road, Crayford
England

Posted on April 12, 2019
Advice, Employees, England, Health & Hygiene

And Now It Is.

Mall employee: Remember, it's only incriminating if it's recorded!

Waldorf, Maryland

Overheard by: Jenna

Posted on April 5, 2019
Advice, Crimes, Employees, Maryland

I Was Thinking More in Terms Of Using It As Toilet Paper

Editor to writer: Do you want to talk about your cover story submission?
Writer: Not really.
Editor: Well, there are a couple of techniques we could use to improve it.
Writer: Is one of them leaving it the hell alone?

Augusta, Georgia

Posted on March 29, 2019
Advice, Comebacks, Georgia, Offers and requests, Places, Publishing, Questions, Writers and Editors

All Women Need to Be Happy Is Everything Else

Younger female coworker, describing new boyfriend: The thing is, I don't know if that in the long run he would be happy with me.
Older female coworker: Oh, you know what men are like. All you have to do is pat them on the head once in a while and tell them that they're wonderful and they're happy.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: horrified that she's right

Posted on March 20, 2019
Advice, Compliments, Coworkers, Oregon, Relationships

Michael Douglas Reprises His ‘Greed Is Good’ Speech From Wall Street

Broker on phone: Blame it on greed…Uh huh…No, I’m saying that greed is a well-known, widely accepted motivator, so just say it was greed. They’ll understand.

10960 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

Posted on March 8, 2019
Advice, California, Financial Folk, On the phone, Philosophy

That’s Your Answer to Everything

Programmer: Okay, so he asked us for a digital signature solution to document tracking and approval… Ideas?
Analyst: What if we got a couple midgets, and bought a few Etch A Sketches…?

1932 Wildcat Canyon Road
San Diego, California

Posted on February 22, 2019
Advice, California, Dumb Employees, Meetings

Donated By Public-Spirited Clitizens

Librarian #1: Take a look at these new book donations that just came in.
Librarian #2: Oh, it’s just a bunch of Chick Lick; we don’t want it.
Librarian #1: Don’t you mean Chick Lit?
Librarian #2: I stand by my statement.

501 Maitland Avenue
Maitland, Florida

Overheard by: Kristen

Posted on February 9, 2019
Advice, Arts, Comebacks, Coworkers, Florida, Gripes, Questions, Words

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