Man walking into building to security guard: I think I can do it with a screwdriver and wire coat hanger.
Houston, Texas
Man walking into building to security guard: I think I can do it with a screwdriver and wire coat hanger.
Houston, Texas
Guy behind counter: I have a fetish for pre-creased items.
Café Boulange
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Old lady: Are they big ones?
Young lady: You only want big ones?
Old lady: That's all I ever do anymore.
Young lady: I'll find you a couple big ones.
Old lady: What's big to you?
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Assistant: Yeah, sorry, I don't know how that happened. It's probably because I drink at work.
Baltimore, Maryland
Male financial analyst: I’m having trouble counting to eighteen right now.
Wall Street
New York City, New York
Maintenance guy: I’ll tell you. Back when I was in prison, at first, I couldn’t sleep because of all the noise. But I got so used to it that now I can’t sleep when it’s quiet.
Boss: When you were where?
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Need to call the Temp Agency
Boss: We're going to have to stroke his penis.
Downtown Brooklyn
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Miss Blige
Redneck woman: So you think chip's gay?
Son: I don't know.
Redneck woman: Maybe he just likes to look at pictures of naked men. Who knows?
Gainesville, Florida
Coordination director to coworker who just asked complicated question: What? I'm eating carrots, so I can't hear. And something in the dressing is making me sweaty. Are you ready for our meeting?
Albany, New York
Overheard by: the equivalent of
Office lady, from cubicle: White! (pause) Did you like my answer when I said white? Sometimes it's purple.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
